





bE edn 


EAST IS WEST 


By SAMUEL SHIPMAN and JOHN B. HYMER 


_ SAMUEL sappomblei 2 West 45th St., New Bore 


seas reper mee ese, ope gn ey eer aaa merino 














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EAST IS WEST 


A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 
AND A PROLOGUE 


BY 
SAMUEL SHIPMAN anp JOHN B. HYMER 


Copyright, 1918, by Samuel Shipman and John B. Hymer 
Copyright, 1924, by Samuel French 


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 


CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that 
“EAST IS WEST,” being fully protected under the copyright 
laws of the United States, the British Empire, and other coun- 
tries of the Copyright Union, is subject to a royalty, and any 
one presenting the play without the consent of the authors or 

their authorized agents will be liable to the penalties by law 

provided. Applications for the amateur acting rights must be 
made to Samuel French, 24 West 45th Street, New York. Appli- 
cations for the professional acting rights must be made to The 
Century Play Company, 755 Seventh Ave., New York. 


New York: London: 
SAMUEL FRENCH SAMUEL FRENCH, Lr. 
Publisher 26 Southampton Street 


25 West 45th Street Strand 


“Hast Is West” 
All Rights Reserved 


Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book without a valid contract for production first 
having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play 
publicly or in private for gain or charity. 


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may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel 
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This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment 
of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each performance, 
payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New 
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play: “Produced by special arrangement with Sarnnict 
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“SECTION 4966:—Any person publicly performing or rep- 
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his 
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damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less 
than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for 
every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear 
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be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be 
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prisoned for a period not exceeding one year.’—U. S. 
Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. 





“a CHARACTERS 
(In the Order of Their Appearance) 


| ATTENDANT on Love-Boat 
2 PROPRIETOR of Love-Boat 
(+ Bitty BENSON 
Lo SANG KEE 
¢ CUSTOMER 
ns Hop Toy 
Minc Toy 
CHANG LEE 
SERVANT 
‘ JaMEs PoTTER 
3 CHARLIE YONG 
MiLpRED BENSON 
s Mrs. BENSON 
THOMAS 
ANDREW BENSON 
Miss FouNnTAIN 
Mrs. Davis 
a Mr. Davis 
3 Sing-Song Girls, Guests, Tong-Men. 


yey bs 
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Me di 
ay, 


Pat iy 
, ART 
: Laine 4 ne 
Cpt ALS 





THE SCENES 


ProtocuE: Love-Boat on Yangtse River, China. 
Time: 1910. Eighteen minutes. 


Wait six. 
Act I: Lo Sang Kee’s Home in Chinese Quarters, 


San Francisco. One year later. Forty minutes. 


Wait ten. 
Act II: Room in Andrew Benson's Residence, San 
Francisco. Four weeks later. Thirty-five min. 


| Wait ten. 
Act III: Same as Act II. One week later. 


Seventeen minutes. 
Two hours and sixteen minutes. 





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PROLOGUE 
ScENE: Love-Boat on Yangtse River. 
TimE: Jn 1910. Evening, seven p.m. 


DiscovEereD: Five Sing-Song Girls on Love-Boat, 
strumming moon-harps (Chinese instrument). 
On upper deck of boat PROPRIETOR smoking 
Chinese pipe. On string-piece of pier sits the 
ATTENDANT, who at a given signal from the 
PROPRIETOR, immediately after curtain rises, 
exits L, 
ATTENDANT returns as the Girls finish play- 
ing second strain. 


ATTENDANT. (In Chinese, on lower deck) A 
customer is coming. (To PRoprieToR) Yin ka li 
kao! Kum pata yo, mi ye ko! Yin kali lao! 

PropriETor. A customer coming? Everything all 
right? Prepare some tea. Do it quickly—do it 
quickly. Go ahead. (To girls) Make yourselves 
attractive. (In Chinese) Yin ka li lao? Du how 
ma? Ye ba tsa yen. Qui ye dien—qui ye dien, 
tzing tala. Kum pa ta yo, mi ye ko. 


(ATTENDANT bows and exits, the PROPRIETOR exits 
into lower portion of' boat, L., as BILLY BENSON 
and Lo SANG KEE enter R.) 


Bitty. Is this the place? (Comes c. and steps 
upon string-piece.) 

Lo. My most esteemable friend, it is; it is the 
Love-Boat. 


7 


8 HAST 1S.) WEST 


Bitty. Will there be a sale of girls here tonight? 

Lo. Yes—many of the most beautiful girls in this 
flowery kingdom are bought and sold here both night 
and day. All the maidens upon the Love-Boat are 
called Sing-Song girls. They will be sold to him who 
pays highest price. 

Bitty. A woman market, eh? 

LO Ves, 

Bitty. Very interesting. (Crossing R. and going 
up on first step.) 

Lo. Very interesting. 


(Enter ATTENDANT, bowing, preceding a mnchly 
dressed Chinese, the customer who comes to Cc. 
and up the steps to lower deck of boat as the 
PROPRIETOR enters from his quarters.) 


PROPRIETOR. How are you today? Ging Tien— 
how ma? 

CusToMER. I share with you the blessing of 
heaven. Taw foo! Faw foo! 

Bitty. Who is that Chinaman? 


(CUSTOMER seats himself at L.c. at motion from PRo- 
PRIETOR, facing the girls as PROPRIETOR crosses 
to the c. of group of girls.) 


Lo. A customer. He has come to buy. You 
will see. 

PROPRIETOR. You want to see a few girls? Me 
yow kin kin ge go ne hi ma? 

CustoMER. Yes, I would like to seea few. Shya 
—wo yow kin ge go. 

Bitty. Gee, I wish I could understand what he 
says. 

Lo. Me explain you. 

PROPRIETOR. Today girls are all very fine. Ging 


LZ abnd aag <lSAM ST LSV4,, 








KAS! IS) WEST 2) 


tien ne ht du heng how. (Brings a girl forward 
and motions her on block.) 

Lo. He want to buy girl. 

CusTomEr. Yes, you always have—very nice maid. 
ens. Shya—ne chang, chang yo how kin de way yen. 

PROPRIETOR. They are all very fine, very good. 
Ta ming, chang, chang, du sha bu tso. 

Lo. He say he got nice girls, fresh from the mar- 
ket. 

Customer. (Examining girl) Turn around, let 
me see. Na bien kin kin. Let me see foot. Yong 
wo kin gya. Thatone... (Meaning other foot.) 
Na ye go. Your teeth? Kiko. (To Proprietor) 
Not very good. Bu sing how. 

Bitty. What did he say? 

Lo. He say she no good—rotten. 


(PROPRIETOR motions girl away, indicates another, 
who rises. CUSTOMER repeats “Bu sing how—”’ 
and turns away as PROPRIETOR calls another girl 
from upper deck. CUSTOMER stops, sees girl, 
indicates satisfaction in Chinese as he returns 
for the purpose of examining girl.) 


Proprietor. Foy yet! (To CusToMER) Again 
you may see another. Ti kin ye go. 

CusTomMER. Ah! Cha go nee ni? 

Proprietor. This is the most precious one on the 
boat. Ta sha tzut how de—tzi how mu yo. 

CusToMER. (Repeating examination and instruc- 
tions) How much? Do show tz? 

Bitty. What did he say then? 

Lo. He like her. He ask proprietor how much. 

PROPRIETOR. Twenty dollars. San be qui tzien. 
(Customer refuses—too much.) I want twenty, 
but you are good friend—so ten will be all right. 
Wo yow san be—ne sha how pin yu—leong be, shing 
— deow. 


10 RAS Low Wao. 
Bitty. What did he say then? 


(CUSTOMER is paying PROPRIETOR.) 
Lo. He say she worth ten dollar. 
(CusTOMER comes down the steps.) 


Customer. (To Girl) Li! (Followed by the 
Girl, they exit L., followed by ATTENDANT, as PRo- 
PRIETOR motions another girl to the upper deck, and 
returns to his quarters L.) 

Proprietor. Li! Tza sha! 

Bitty. (Crosses L. to c.) Where is he taking 
her? 

Lo. He take her to his home—he buy her. 

Bitty. (Crosses to L. of Lo) You mean to say 
he bought her just like you’d buy a horse? | 

Lo. Horse, dog—sing-song girl—all same. 

Bitty. Did she want to go with him? 

Lo. It does not matter. He buy her. She must 


go. 

Bitty. What is he going to do with her? 

Lo. Sometime maybe so he beat her. Sometime 
maybe so he kiss her. All same he feel like. 


(Girl on top beckons the others to come to her.) 


Bitty. (Pause—looks around at girls on boat) 
Will it be all right if we go on the Love-Boat? 

Lo. (Smiles—amused) It would be my most 
august pleasure to show you, my dear friend, the 
Love-Boat. Come. (They go upon lower deck of 
boat. Lo calling the Proprietor in Chinese. Pro- 
PRIETOR comes out of the living quarters and bows.) 
Tau foo! Tau foo! Saon sen! 

PROPRIETOR. How are you today? Ging tien 
how ma? 


EAST IS WEST II 


Lo. Many summer suns have kissed the sea since 
last we met. 

PRopRIETOR. : The hospitality of my abode is ever 
welcome to you. Have you returned from Amer- 
ica ? 

Lo. Only on short visit to my beloved China. 
This is my most august friend, Mr. Billy Benson— 
(PRoprieTOR bows)—son of Mr. Andrew Benson, 
American Ambassador to our most celestial court. 
(PRopRIETOR bows twice, returned bow by BItty.) 
Mr. Billy Benson he make China rich with American 
money, he make American Banks China. (Pro- 
PRIETOR bows three times, each returned by Bitty.) 

PRopRIEToR. (Crossing toward Bitty) The greet- 
ings I extend to you shall live from now until the 
end of my celestial days. 

Bitty. Why, you speak very good English. 

Proprietor. The man who deals successful in 
women, he must speak many language. 

Bitty. Yes, I guess you’re right. You do a good 
business here? 

Proprietor. If my girls are beautiful, they bring 
me many Tzien. 

Bitty. You don’t get so much, then, for an ugly 
girl? 

PropRIETOR. What one man he call ugly, other 
man he call beautiful. It is curse of man no matter 
what woman’s face look like, she got a chance. | 

Bitty. Yes, I notice that feet and teeth have 
something to do with a good sale. : 

Lo. Small feet in Chinese maidens denote high 
caste. 

Proprietor. Sha, Girl with little feet, nice teeth 
and pretty face, she very easy sold in this country. 

Bitty. Well, a girl like that wouldn’t have much 
trouble in my country either. What makes their 
parents sell them—do they practise slavery ? 

Lo. No, no, we have no slavery in China. Floods, 


12 EAST IS WEST 


famine, too much population, sometimes make poor 
families with too many daughters sell some of them. 
Man who can afford it can come here, pick out girl, 
make her his woman. 

Bitty. Can a married man do that too? 

Lo. Sure, married men best customers. If man 
like girl and she give him son, she be just as good 
as wife. 

Bitty. Well, what does a married man do with 
his regular wife? 

Lo. Just same like American man he get rid of 
her, only don’t cost him money for lawyer. 

Bitty. Is this the general practice in China? 

Lo. Oh, no, no. 

Bitty. (To Proprietor) What’s the highest 
price you ever received for a girl? 

Proprietor. Oh, I get six thousand tzien, that’s 
highest price I ever get for one girl. She very near 
like white woman. Chinese always pay high price 
for girl what look like white woman. Chinese like 
you—he like variety. 

Bitty. (Crossing below proprietor to Lo) Does 
he get many girls who resemble white girls? 

Proprietor. Only from Hop Toy. Hop Toy 
only Chinese what have daughters good as white 
girls. I don’t know how Hop Toy, his wife, she 
have such nice daughters. Maybe she fook at pretty 
white lady picture. 

Bitty. How many have they brought you? 

Proprietor. Oh, Hop Toy, he bring lots daugh- 
ters. I very much oblige to his wife. (Pause.) 
You want buy girl? You friend Lo Sang Kee I 
sell you girl cheap. 

Bitty. (Leaving deck with Lo Sane KEE and 
going down steps) Ihave never found a girl cheap. 

Proprietor. Hop Toy he come here soon, he bring 
nice girl. I sell to you? 

Bitty. No, we Americans don’t buy girls, 


EAST IS WEST 13 


Proprietor. All men buy girls. One man he bu 
with money, other love, other men with beating, all 
same, no difference. 

Bitty. Our girls marry only when they love the | 
man. 

Proprietor. When they love how much man he 
got. 


(Bow from Girls. Off stage cue.) 


Hop Toy. (Off stage) Ling ta la! Tzen za! 
Bu yow gwan! (Ad lib. Off stage are heard Hop 
Toy and Mina Toy voices raised, arguing in Chin- 
ese.) 

Minc Toy. (Off Lv.) Wopp-e-li! Wopp-e-li! 

Hor Toy. Lio-lar-bar! Nee-ber-h! War-bar- 
nu-nee! (They enter left. Hor Toy enters, fol- 
lowed by Mine Toy. Hop Toy crosses toc. Or- 
ders her past him tor. She quickens steps, goes R. 
of R.c.) 

Proprietor. That’s Hop Toy. He bring me nice 
girl I sell to you. 

Bitty. (/n wonder, to Lo) She is to be sold? 

Lo. Yes. 

Hor Toy. (In Chinese) It was hard to bring her 
here, but I got her here. Ling ta li, hen bu yong ya, 
hens see gien li lo. 

Mino Toy. (In Chinese) You buy me, I run 
away. Nemilao wo, wo yow pow! 

Bitty. (To Lo) What did she say? 

Minc Toy. (In English to Bitty) I say I run 
away, I no stay. 

Bitty. You speak English? 

Mrinc Toy. I go toa Christian Mission for a long 
time. My father he hate Christian Mission, but I 
love Christian God. 

Hor Toy. (Crossing to Mine Toy, brutally catch- 


14 EAST 1S WEST 


ing her.arm) Don’t say anything! Bu ya gy any 
hwo! . 

MiNG Toy. Leave mealone. Chill-e la!—Chill-e 
la! 

Bitty. Who is that brute? 

Mine Toy. My most honorable father. 


(Proprietor and Hop Toy go onto lower deck of 
boat, busy themselves with Chinese tablets.) 


Bitty. Your own father? 

Mine Toy. Yes. 

Bitty. And he wants to sell your 

Mine Toy. Yes. 

Bitty. Why does he want to sell you? 

Minc Toy. He wants get money to buy new pig. 

Bitty. You mean your father wants to exchange 
you fora pig? 

Mine Toy. Oh, yes—pig much better than me. 
My father have sixteen daughters and only fourteen 
pig. He have too much daughter and not enough 
pig. He sell one daughter, he buy one pig, then he 
have fifteen daughters and fifteen pig. 

Bitty. You mean your father has sixteen daugh- 
ters? 

»Mrne:Toy.. Yes. 

Bitty. How long is your father married? 

Mine Toy. I don’t know. He married before I 
born. He say he married nineteen years. 

Bitty. (Crosses L. to look at Hop Toy, who is 
seated. in front of cabin with Proprietor) Nine- 
teen years and sixteen daughters! | 

Mince Toy. Yes, my mother she have four quar- 
tets, four times. 

“Bitty. (To Lo) Ask him if any children are 
dead. 

Lo. (To Hor Toy) Top Toy, Saon-sen—Ne du 
“tgat hi. su teuclas de show? 


EAST IS WEST Is 


Hop Toy. Sure—Leow—woo—go! (Holding up 
five fingers.) 

Lo. He say he got five dead. 

Bitty. Nineteen years—twenty-one children. (To 
PROPRIETOR) Great man for your business. 

Hor Toy. My business, don’t interfere. Wo de 
stim bu yow gwan. 

Bitty. (Crosses to Lo) What does he say? 

Lo. (On steps R.) He say you want to know too 
much about his business. 

Bitty. How does he know what I asked? 

Hop Toy. (Returns to PROPRIETOR at Lt.) Me 
know, me work long time Christian Mission. 

Bitty. (c. To Minc Toy) What’s your name? 

Mince Toy. (c.) Ming Toy. 

Bitty. Ming Toy? 

Mine Toy. You like my name? 

Bitty. I think it’s a sweet name. 

Mine Toy. I like your name. 

Bitty. Do you know my name? 

Mine Toy. I don’t know, but I like it. 

Brrty. My name is Billy—Billy Benson. 

Minc Toy. Oh, that’s sweet name—Billy Ben- 
son. 

Bitty. Ming Toy, if I buy your father a pig, 
will he let you go? 

Mince Toy. I don’t know—he like pigs much bet- 
ter than me. 

Bitty. (To Hor Toy) Hi, you (Crosses 
below her, Lv.) Tl buy you a pig, if you won’t sell 
Ming Toy! 

Hop Toy. Me no have Ming Toy in house you 
buy me thousand pig. 

Mince Toy. My father he got buy clothes for me, 
feed me, much trouble. Pig, he eat slop, then father 
eat pig—then he have fine time. 

Hor Toy. (Coming down steps from deck to 





16 EAST IS WEST 


back—to Bitty) Ming Toy, she tell you vely much. 
All same velly much, she not tell you. 

BILLY, \(t.) What, for instance? 

Hop Toy. (u.c.) She go long time Christian 
Mission learn all foreign devil bad ways. It is cus- 
tom of this country women keep bosom—(Indicat- 
ing )—clothes tight. 

Mine Toy. (R.c.) No, I will not do it. Chris- 
tian lady at Mission tell me I have pretty bosom and 
should not spoil it. 

Hor Toy. You should obey your father. 

Minc Toy. Christian lady say must obey father, 
but must obey God, too. God, He give me nice 
bosom, nice feet, and God, He want me to keep ’em. 

Hop Toy. See, all bad devils in here. (To Minc 
Toy) When me sell you, man make you do what 
he say. 

Mrinc Toy. I do nothing I don’t want. (Stamp- 
ing foot.) Chinese man want women have little feet 
so they cannot follow man fast to see where he goes. 
When I get man I got good feet, I go where he goes. 

Hor Toy. Christian dog mission put all bad devil 
in your head. When me sell you, you not talk too 
much, you do what man say. 

PROPRIETOR. (Crosses on deck, stops just behind 
Hop Toy) How much do you want for her? Nee 
yow, do show tzien? 

Hop Toy. One thousand tzen. Ye tzien, qu 
igien. 

Proprietor. I'll give you five hundred tzien. 
Wu be, qui tzien. 

Hop Toy. (Crossesut.) Allright. Itake. Lo ye, 
wo shu. 

Bitty. (Crosses to Lo at rR. As PROPRIETOR 
comes to center, stands on stringpiece and begins to 
take comms out of wallet) What did he say? 

Lo. Hop Toy ask one thousand tzien for her. 
Merchant say he give only five hundred. 





See Page 16 


“RAST IS WEST” 





.% 


a 





EAST IS WEST 17 


Minc Toy. (Crosses to PRopRIETOR) Please, 
please no buy me. If you no buy me, he no can 
sell me. 

Proprietor. Little devil like you must be sold. I 
don’t do good business today. You good buy. I 
make big profit on you. 

Mince Toy. If I am devil, you no make profit— 
no man buy devil. 

Proprietor. Man like devil in woman. Chang 
Lee, he like devil in woman, I sell you to him. 

Mine Toy. You sell me to such mean man? 

Proprietor. I sell you to any man. 

Minc Toy. You sell me to Chang Lee? He beat 
his girls—he beat them dead. (She crosses plead- 
ingly to Hop Toy, returns to right center, two sing- 
song girls come down toward her, all three wailing.) 

Proprietor. (Zo Girls) Tzo sha! (To Minc 
Toy) Chang Lee he come here today. I sell you to 
him because you got Christian ways. 

Mince Toy. You buy me, I sink Love-Boat. 

Proprietor. You make trouble, I give you twenty 
lashes every day. (Crosses to Hop Tov, hands him 
coins. Hop Toy comes to center, curses M1nGc Toy 
in Chinese.) 

Hop Toy. (Threatens her, then kneels) For sell- 
ing you Buddha will bless me. (To Mine Toy) 
Bu—yer—Man—wang go me lay oh pu-—say—yow 
—ju fu wow. (Kneels, Chinese prayer one speech.) 

Bitty. What does the beast say? 

Lo. First he say she like Christian dog, then he 
ask Buddha bless his household today. 

Bitty. (To Hor Toy) Why will Buddha bless 
you for selling your own children? 

Hor Toy. He will bless me when me sell white 
devil. 

Bitty. What do you mean, white devil? 

Hor Toy. No can make her love Chinese God— 
she love Christian God better. 


18 EASD Iso WEs® 


Bitty. Oh, you do this for God. 

Hor Toy. I do all things for God. (Crossing 
toward left stairs.) 

Minc Toy. (Confidentially to Bitty) His God 
just as bad as him. 

Bitty. Yes, I guess he is. (Hop Toy evits, 
praying in Chinese, repeat same as prayer.) Me lay 
ou Pu say—Yow ju fu—Wow. 

Mince Toy. Tomorrow he eats so much pig, his 
belly swell. 

PropriEToR. Tzo sha! Sit up there! (MING 
Toy goes onto lower deck of boat, is met by the two 
girls.) Tzo sha! (MtNc Toy starts up the stairs, 
sits on upper deck of boat, picks up instrument. 
PROPRIETOR starts left stairs as atiendant comes on 
from left.) 

ATTENDANT. (In Chinese) Chang Lee is com- 
ing. (Exits Lt. quickly.) Yin ka li lao. Chang 
Lee! 

Proprietor. (To Girls) Chang Lee is coming. 
Make yourselves attractive. Chang Lee! Kum pa 
ta ya, mi ye ko! Kum pa ta ya, mi ye lo! (Enter 
CHANG LEE slowly, preceded by attendant, who bows 
him in, PRoprRiETOoR, at center, greets him. They 
go upon lower deck of boat toward girls. CHANG 
LEE examines one, pushes her roughly aside, does 
the same to others.) There is the most precious one 
on the boat. Ta sha tzui de, tzi how mu yo. (To 
Minc Toy) You play beautiful Chinese lullaby. 

Mine Toy. All right. I play. 


(CHANG LEE croesses to foot of stairs, looks gloat- 
ingly up at her. She starts to play Yankee 
Doodle.) 


PROPRIETOR. (Angrily, as the girls titter) What 
you play? 


EAST IS WEST 19 


Mine Toy. Doodle Yankee—I learned it at 
Christian Mission. 

PROPRIETOR. You play beautiful Chinese melody 
for Chang Lee. (She sings “Ming Toys Melody.” 
As song is finished, PROPRIETOR calls her.) 

Proprietor. Li! (She rises, reluctant.) Li! 
(She comes down the stairs. PROPRIETOR snatches 
instrument from her and hands tt to one of the girls. 
Motions her upon block.) Tzan tze jey li! (She 
steps upon block. CHANG LEE with relish comes to 
examine her and orders her to turn around, show 
first one foot and then the other, to open her mouth, 
to show her teeth. She shows her teeth. He or- 
ders her to open her mouth wider, feels her teeth. 
She bites his finger. He grasps her arm and twists 
it forward, growling at her in anger.) 

CHANG LEE. Turn around. Ma bien kine ine. 
Your foot. Yong we kine ga. The other. Na ye 
go. Open your mouth. Nee de ga. Show your 
teeth. Kiko! Ki ko! 

Bitty. Let go of her arm! 

Cuanc Lee. Wo de si, ne bu ya gwan. 

Bitty. That’s all right, old man, but don’t oul 
any rough stuff with this little girl when I’m around! 

CHANG Lege. Ne yow de show tzten. 

Proprietor. Ye tzien, qui tzien! 

CHaAnGc LEE. Be tzien qui tzien. 

PropriEToR. Wu be, qui tzien! 

Cuanc Lee. Lieu be—Lieu be! 

Proprietor. Lieu be! Ko ye, wo shu! 


(Proprietor and CHANG LEE are bargaining for the 
girl. Quickly PRoprietor starts up the stairs, 
followed by CHANG Leg, who is still growling.) 


Lo. He offer six hundred tzien for her. He say 
he buy her now to punish her. 


20 EAST IS WEST 


MinG Toy. (Sobbing, after a pause) Mr. Billy 
Benson, why you no buy me? 

Bitty. I’d love to, Ming Toy, but what could I 
do with you? 

Mrinc Toy. You buy me, I be nice—no be devil. 

Bitty. We don’t do these things—it isn’t cus- 
tomary with us. 

Mine Toy. Chang Lee, he so ugly—he beat me 
dead sure. Please no let him take me. 

Bitty. I’m sorry, Ming Toy, but I can’t help 

ou. 

‘ Minc Toy. You got no money? 

Bitty. My dear little Ming Toy, it isn’t the 
money—we Americans don’t deal in women. 

Minc Toy. Too bad you Americans not civilized 
like Chinese. 

Proprietor. (From upper deck, where he is 
seated with CHANG LEE) I sell you to Chang! 

Minc Toy. Oh, you bad man, you sell me to 
Chang Lee. He treat me like dog. He shut me up 
in little room all day, and come home and beat me 
like devil. 

Bitty. (As he hears coins passing on upper deck) 
Wait a minute. (To Lt.) Why don’t you buy her? 

Lo. Mego back San Francisco next week. What 
I do with her? 

Bitty. Take her with you. 

Lo. Me honorable merchant San Francisco—got 
no time for women. 

Bitty. I know, but we can’t let her go to this 
brute. She’s such a sweet little thing. 

Minc Toy. Thank you, Mr. Billy Benson. You 
sweet man. 

Bitty, Will it be all right if my friend Lo buys 
your 

Mine Toy. I like you, I like your friend too. 

Lo. La, go-ny-ma-ki-er. Maybe so—— You like 
go America—San Francisco? 


PAS IS WEST, 21 


Mine Toy. Oh, I like very much go to America. 
Christian lady at Mission tell me America very fine 
place, women free, can spend all husband’s money. 

PRopRIETOR. You go with Chang Lee—he buy 

ou. 
: Lo. (Coming on to lower deck of boat, speaks in 
Chinese, PROPRIETOR answers “Yes” in Chinese) 
My-Leow-war-bar. War  banee-Etschen-tschen! 
Me give you 2000 tzien for her. 

PRopRIETOR. Hen-how! (CHANG LEE remon- 
strates with him. They argue in dumb show.) 

Mince Toy. Don’t give him. Why he want so 
much more than he pay for me? Don’t pay so much 
money for me. 

Lo. I must pay or Chang Lee, he get you. 

(WARN Curtain.) 

Minc Toy. Too bad he make such big profit on 

me. 


(Lo Sane KEE pays PROPRIETOR at BILLY’s sug- 
gestion.) 


Bitty. Pay him, Lo. 

Mince Toy. (Coming down to Bitty) Thank 
you, Mr. Billy Benson. All my life I not forget 
you. (Cue for Orchestra in front.) I always thinks 
of you like humming bird that comes and speaks to 
one little lonely rose, then flies away. 

Bitty. Oh, I don’t know. The humming bird 
may return to the flower some day. 

Minc Toy. You come to America, too? 

Bitty. Why, of course, back to the Land of the 
Free. 

MincG Toy. Oh, will be so glad to go to America. 
So glad to see Statue of Liberty hold big punk stick. 


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EAST IS WEST 


ACL t 


ScENE: Home of Lo SAnc KEE in Chinese quarter, 
— San Francisco. 


TIME: One year later. Afternoon. 


DISCOVERED: Dead stage. Lo SANG KEE enters, 
bows in front of altar. Mine Toy is heard 
singing off stage. Lo Sane KEE listens, turns 
toward her room, smiles, comes down L., to 
table, sits, and commences work on counting 
frame. After a moment his CHINESE SERVANT 
enters, up the stairs rR. Crosses down L. to Lo. 


SERVANT. (In Chinese) Mr. Potter to see you. 
In-ka-li— Potter. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Potter? (In Chinese) Tell Mr. 
Potter to come up. 

PoTTER. Saon sen! 


(SERVANT exits. Lo Sanc KEE goes on counting. 
Enter JAMES PoTTER from stairs R.) 


PoTtrer. (R.c.) Hello, Lo Sang Kee. 

Lo SANG KEE. (Rising and bowing) ‘The bless- 
ings of ten thousand ancestors upon your house and 
mine! 

Potter. Same to you and many of them! 

23 


24 EAST IS WEST 


Lo SanG KEE. (Taking Potter’s hat) You 
Americans make joke about your ancestors. 

Potter. Well, believe me, Lo, some of mine were 
funny, saying which I beg ten thousand ancestral 
pardons. (Bows, Chinese-fashion.) 

Lo Sane Kee. You like some tea? (Takes 
PottTeEr’s hat.) 

Potter. No, thank you. 

Lo Sanc Kee. You like smoke cigarette? 

Potter. Oh, thanks. (Crosses to L. table, takes 
cigarette and stands L. of table, smoking. Lo places 
Potter’s hat on bench Rr. of c.) 

Lo Sanc KEE. (Crosses to table, sits back of tt) 
Mr. James Potter, hospitality of my house is at your 
disposal. 

Potter. Thank you, Lo, that’s very nice of you. 
( Sitting.) 

Lo SANG KEE. (Lighting pipe) How are our 
honorable friends, the Bensons? 

Potter. Fine, thank you. 

Lo Sanc Kee. And Mr. Billy’s most esteemable 
sister, Miss Mildred, she fine, too? 

Potter. She’s fine, too, thank you. 

Lo SAnc Kee. (Laughing) She bully fine girl, 
me congratulate you. 

Potter. You'd better reserve your congratula- 
tions .. . I haven’t got her yet. (Crosses up 
around Lo, crosses table to c.) 

Lo Sano KEE. Won’t you take seat, Mr. Potter? 
(Lo stts.) 

Potter. (Crosses and sits R. of table) Lo, ’m 
here on rather an embarrassing mission. Now you 
know that I have been mixed up in what they call 
social work among your countrymen. 

Lo Sanc Kee. I know. You make good Chinese 
out of many bad ones. 

Potrer. Nonsense, I don’t believe one can reform 
anybody. However, dad left me a lot of money, 


&% 260d 229 
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- 





EAST IS WEST 26 


and the least return I can make for it is to try and 
make a fool of myself. 

Lo SancG KEE. Oh, you do lots good. 

Potter. Now, Lo, I have always looked upon 
you as one of the most honorable Chinese 1 have 
ever met. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Thank you, I always try to show 
what you call clean face to the world. 

Potter. Yes, that’s a credit to your razor. (Lo 
SANG KEE laughs.) But, Lo, there’s gossip of you. 
Lo Sane Kee. Gossip? You mean blad talk? 

Potter. Yes. They say you have a little Chinese 
girl here, who sits at the window and makes goo- 
goo eyes at every man who passes. 

Lo SANG Ker. Anyone say that, it is not true. 

Potter. I’m sorry, Lo, but it is true, because 
only last night J stood outside that window and she 
goo-gooed me. 

Lo Sane Kee. So? 


(Mine Toy heard singing off stage R., again.) 


Potter. Yes. (Listens to singing.) Are you 
married? 

Lo Sanc Kee. No, not married. 

PoTTer. But that’s a woman’s voice, isn’t it? 

Lo Sane Kee, Yes... 

Potrer. If you’re not married, who’s singing in 
there? A Chinese chicken? 

Lo Sanc Kee. No, no chicken. (Singing stops.) 
Nice little bird. I bring her from my Flowery King- 
dom one year ago. 

Potter. Then the Mission’s charge is right? 

Lo SanGc Kee. [ did not bring her for my own 
pleasure. 

Potter. Well, what did you bring her for? 

Lo Sane Kee. To save her from bad men who 
wanted to buy her. Same reason, maybe so, you 


26 EAST: IS: WEST 


pick up little crippled bird, take it in, put it in nice 
cage, give it good food. 

Potter. The Mission would hardly believe that. 

Lo SANG KEE. (Rising) What they think? I 
trade women? I deal only staple goods .... no 
women. | 

Potter. Well, this chicken, I beg your pardon 

. crippled bird . . . . is living here in the same 
house with you, isn’t she? Don’t you think the 
gossip is very natural? 

(WARN Jaze Band.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. Ming Toy, good girl ....me 
good man. 

Potter. Now, Lo, the Mission demands that you 
get rid of this girl at once. 

_Lo Sane Kee. Can’t do it, Mr. Potter. It hurts 
me to throw out crippled bird. 

Potter. Lo, the Mission insists that you turn this 
girl out of your house, or they'll turn you out of 
San Francisco. 

Lo Sanc KEE. But Mission knows I have always 
been honorable merchant. 

PoTtTER. So much the more reason. If you're 
jealous of your good name, you won’t let her stay 
here another day. You know there’s no feeling with 
the Mission. You'll be a ruined man. 

Lo Sanc Kee. All right. (POTTER crosses R. for 
hat.) Me do what Mission say, Mr. -Potter, me 
know you very good friend of mine. 

Potter. . Yes. 

Lo Sane Kee. But Mission gabe) May be so 
you like me show you Ming Toy . . you see then 
she never flirt. 

Potter. Yes, let me see her. 

Lo Sane Ker. Ming Toy, good girl. | (Crosses 
L. and beats gong. Mino Toy enters quickly from 
door R., comes C., bows to Lo SANG KEE.) My most 
august friend, Mr. Potter, Ming Toy. (Mine Toy 


EAST IS WEST 27 


turns to Potter, bows, winks—POTTER startled 
and amused.) 

Potter. Well, you’ve certainly trained her well, 
Lo. You're sure she never flirts? 

Lo Sanc Kee. She has eyes only for me. Her 
ears hear only just my commands. (Mine Toy 
repeats wink.) 

Porter. You're right. She certainly has an eye- 
full of you, all right. 

Lo Sane Kee. Ming Toy, you will sing Chinese 
song for my august friend. 


(Mine Toy, bows, starts toward window-seat, indi- 
cates instrument. POTTER quickly goes and gets 
it for her,—as she takes it from him, she bows, 
repeats wink, as he bows and sits on settee down 
L. As she is about to play, Jazz Band is heard 
off t. Mine Toy begins moving her shoulders 
and body. Lo Sanc KEE looks up, Sa ae 
calls out in Chinese.) 


Lo Sanc Kee. Lo-fan! (Potter reaches up, 
closes window, shutting out music. Crosses to C.) 
Where you learn such movements of the body? 

Mine Toy. I like learn foreign ways. I come 
in the evening, sit by that window and look across 
street in Kelly’s. I see men and women at tables 
eat and drink. (Rising.) Then music play and 


they go through funny motions. So... (Shaking 
shoulders and moving up stage, rag-time fashion.) 
Lo Sane Kee. Lo fan... We quee! (Claps 


his hands furiously. Mine Toy rushes off through: 
door R., putting samisen on window-seat as she 
passes. 7 

Potter. Well, Lo, you see for yourself the Mis- 
sion is right. 

Lo SanG KEE. Yes, me did not know she do these 
things. 


28 EAST IS WEST 


Potter. Well, I'll report to the Mission that 
you intend to get rid of her. (Going up.) 

Lo Sane Kee. Very sorry for little bird. 

Potter. Is it possible that this girl could be 
bought by a manpP 

Lo Sanc Kee. In China women are the slaves 
of men, but in this country it is different, man is 
slave of woman. 

Potter. Yes, I guess you’re right. Well, au re- 
voir, Lo. Fancy being able to buy a cute little bird 
like that. I wish I were a Chinaman. (Laughs, 
exits downstairs R.) 


(Lo Sanc KEE crosses and exits down Lt. MING 
Toy enters up R., looks around furtively, comes 
to window R., jumps on window-seat, opens 
window, flirts with someone below, winking 
eyes, waving her hand. She takes flower from 

her hair and throws it out of window, just as 
Lo Sanc KEE enters from L., with a telephone- 
book.) 


Lo Sane Kee. Ming Toy! (MiINcG Toy jumps 
from window-seat, runs across to him and bows c.) 
What you do that window? 

Minc Toy. Honorable sir, when I raise little 
window, air taste so much sweeter. 

Lo Sanc Kee. You were make like white 
women ? 

Mince Toy. I thought my august lord be pleased, 
I learn to do it so well. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Do what so well? 

Mine Toy. Like American women, when man 
goes by. So... (Winking.) 

Lo Sane Kee. You sabee meaning this? 

Mine Toy. I know not the meaning, but yester- 
day, I did ...so.... (Winking) and one beauti- 


EAST IS WEST 29 


tul foreign man who was passing, said: “Hello, 
pretty chicken.” Nice? 

Lo Sane Kee. You like be called chicken? 

Mrinc Toy. I do not know meaning, but it sounds 
Ce... 

Lo Sanc Kee. You take from your hair the 
flower only maidens wear and threw him in street. 

Minc Toy. No, not in street. Into hand of man 
that called me chicken. 

Lo SAanc Kee. (Crosses below her to uandow, 
looks out, faces her again) Ming Toy, no more 
shall your actions at that window cause foreign 
devils to look shamefully upon my house. 

Mince Toy. I can bring no shame on your house. 
I am only sing-song girl. 

Lo Sane Kee. Foreign men don’t know that. 
(Crosses to her.) To them you are woman. 

Mine Toy. Not woman... chicken. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Tomorrow, you go Charlie Yong. 

Mine Toy. You send me away? 

Lo Sanc Ker. You bring disgrace upon house 
of Lo Sang Kee, most honorable merchant San 
Francisco, and I give you Charlie Yong. 

Minc Toy. Charlie Yong, nice man? (Pause.) 
He like chicken? y 

Lo SANG Kee. Yes. He like chicken. (Crosses 
to table, placing chair which Potter has left.) 

Mine Toy. ~All right, I go. (Starts up singing, 
tauntingly, pretending brightness she does not feel.) 

Lo Sane Kee. Ming Toy! (She returns to him 
quickly and bows.) You like to leave my honorable 
household with song on your lips? 

Mine Toy. If it be my lord’s pleasure that I 
leave, I must leave with song on my lips, so as not 
to make him unhappy. 

Lo Sane Kee. You have) no sorrow to leave? 

Mince Toy. You have no sorrow to let me go? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Much sorrow. 


30 EAST IS WEST 


Mi1nc Toy.. Then why you make me go? 

Lo Sane Kee. Because you are little devil and 
the Mission make me do it. Me break American 
laws to bring you here, and now you disgrace me. 

Mine Toy. I’m sorry, Lo Sang Kee, but I like 
ways of American women. 

Lo Sane Kee. All right. I give you Charlie 
Yong. I telephone him right away. (Picking up 
telephone book.) Pray. Pray to Joss, ask him 
Charlie Yong be nice to you. 


(Mine Toy kneels before Joss. Lo SANG KEE exits 
stairs L. Mince Toy looks about, still on her 
knees, sees she ts alone, rises, looks down the 
stairs, steals to altar stand, opens small door and 
with her eyes fearfully on Joss, takes a small 
crucifix out, which she quickly puts behind her 
back, crosses stage, backing with her eyes on 
Joss, keeping her body between crucifix and 
Joss. Near settee, down stage, she faces audi- 
ence, kneeling... prays.) 

(MUSIC Warning.) 


Mince Toy. Nice white man’s God, my Chinese 
father always try to make me pray to Joss. I no 
like Joss. He got funny face. Now white man’s 
God, I give you chance to show you better God than 
Joss. J ask you, please, nice white man’s God, send 
Ming Toy nice American man, she see in China. 
His name is Billy Benson. Please send one of your 
nice white angels to China to bring him here right 
away. If they no can find him, then please, nice 
white man’s God, make Charlie Yong be good to 
Ming Toy. If Charlie Yong, not be good to Ming 
Toy, then please, nice white man’s God, make 
Charlie Yong go to hells (Rises and repeating bus. 
of hiding the cructfix,—crosses to altar stand and re- 
turns it to the cabinet, as Jazz Band is heard off 


EAST IS WEST 31 


stage.) Honorable Joss, hear Jazz Band? (She 
runs to window, jumps on window-seat, briefly re- 
peating flirting bus. Jumps down, runs to balustrade 
of stairs R., takes a drape hanging thereon, places 
it around her waist in the shape of a skirt, turns up 
her trouser legs, unbuttons jacket at neck, turning 
well in, and begins to dance Jazz fashion, awkwardly 
down stage toward L.—as she gets to table she turns 
and sees JIMMY PoTTER standing at. the head of 
stairs, drops to knees, hiding legs.) Oh, you bad 
man . gO away. ( Potter, half- laughing, goes 
to window, shutting out Jazz Band, as he closes tt.) 
What you come back for? 

(Stop) 


PoTTEeR. (Crossing toward her) I was standing 
over at Kelley’s, and I saw you flirting in this 
window. 

Mine Toy. (Still kneeling) I not flirt, I only 
wink eye. 

Potter. Don’t you know that it isn’t lady-like 
_ for you to wink your eye at men as they go by? 

Minc Toy. All men wink eye at me, I want be 
polite, so I wink eye back at men. Now you go 
away, so I can get up. 

Potter. Oh, you can get up, all right. Tl go 
over and talk to the Judge. Oh, I promise, I won’t 
look. (PoTTER goes up towards Joss, pantonumes, 
as Mine Toy crosses toward settee R., rearranging 
clothing, except neck.) Good morning, Judge. 

Mine Toy. All right. 

Potter. (Crossing toward her) Ming Toy, 
you're a bad girl. 

Mine Toy. Why I bad girl? 

Potter. Don’t you know you shouldn’t meted 
with short skirt and neck open? 

Mine Toy. If I got pretty neck, why can’t I 
show it? 


32 EAST) I8\ WEST 


Porter. Well, don’t you know it’s not right fora 
Chinese girl to do that? 

Mine Toy. I see American girl show neck down 
to here... (Jndicating waist.) And little bit of 
leg, too. (Displaying the leg above ankle.) 

PoTTEeR. Yes, it’s all right ... I mean, it’s all 
right for an American girl to do that. 

Minc Toy. Well, I always like do what Ameri- 
can girl do. They got more sense . . . don’t hide 
beautiful things like Chinese girl. 

Potter. (Laughing) You're a bright little thing. 

I like you. 

Mince Toy. (Laughs embarrassed—pause) You 
dance, Mr. Potter? 

Potter. Why, of course I dance. 

Minc Toy. You dance with me? 

PoTTER. Why, do you know how to dance? 

Minc Toy. Can’t do American dances, but would 
like very much to learn dance like American women 
do across street in Kelly’s. (Going to window R., 
pointing. He follows on next speech.) Look! See? 
What dance they do? 

Potter. That? Oh, that’s called “shaking the 
shimmy.” 

Mine Toy. Oh, Mr. Potter, teach me how to 
shake a shimmy. 

PoTTeR. Oh, no, I’m not a dancing master. 
What do you want to dance for? 

Mine Toy. What American girls dance for? 

Potter. Well, it’s good exercise. 

Minc Toy. I need exercise, too. Teach me to 
dance? Do me so much good. 

Potter. I’m afraid I can’t do that. 

Mine Toy. Is it wrong for girl to dance? 

Pottrer. No. 

Mine Toy. Oh, then please teach me how to 
shake shimmy. Do me so much good. 

Potter. It’s awfully hard to refuse you anything. 


EAST IS WEST 33 


Mince Toy. You teach me dance, I pray to God 
for you every day. 

Potter. To the Judge there? (Indicating Joss.) 

Mine Toy. No, to Christian God. (Mine Toy 
_ beckons Potter, then confidentially.) I got no con- 
fidence in Joss. 

Potter. Well, do you know how to shimmy ? 

Mine Toy. No, don’t know shimmy! 

Potter. Well, you shake your shoulders, so, then 
you hop like a chicken. (Bus. of teaching her to 
shimmy.) 

Mince Toy. I know... pretty chickens. 

Potter. Now you take three steps forward, and 
then you shimmy! 

-Minc Toy. ... One, two, three . .. shimmy! 

Potter. Now, come on, let’s doit... (Takes 
her in his arms.) Oh, that’s all right! Now start 
with your right foot ...no, no... keep it on 
the floor! (Laughs.) All right, Dll help you out. 
Now then, do you know how to shimmy? You 
shake both shoulders, like this, yes, that’s right... 
now you've got to hop like a chicken. 

Mine Toy. (Cheerfully—following his bus.) 
Hop like chicken, oh, yes! 

Potter. Now, try it again. (Dancing with her.) 
Shake your shoulders, now shimmy, that’s right, now 
hop. 

Mince Toy. Don’t break Ming Toy. 


(Ad lib dance bus and instructions, humoring the 
laugh, as they get to c., PoTTER with his arm 
around Mine Toy’s waist, Lo SANG KEE en- 
tering L. stairs, 1s horrified and exclaims in 
Chinese.) 


Potter. That’s all right, Lo, I was just teaching 
her a little dance. 

Mine Toy. He teach me how to shake the 
shimmy. 


34 EAST IS WEST 


Lo Sanc Kee. Honorable Mr. Potter, me sur- 
prised. You want Chinese be good and you teach 
Chinese girl how to shake shimmy. 

PoTTErR. Oh, that’s all right, Lo, just a little 
harmless pleasure. 

Mrnc Toy. Do me lots good. Fine exercise. 

Lo SAanc Kee. Why you come back for? 

Potter. I wanted to convince myself, so I stood 
outside of Kelly’s and I saw Ming Toy winking in 
this window. I came back to tell you about her, but 
now that I know Ming Toy, I think she’s a very 
nice little girl and means no harm. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Don’t she mean much harm when 
Mission make me send her away? 

Potter. I’m going to try and get her a good 
place. 

Lo Sanc Kee. So you can go there every day 
and teach Ming Toy how to shake shimmy! Eh! 

Potter. Not every day. I might come once or 
twice a week. (Crosses R.) 

Mince Toy. You nice and polite, Mr. Potter, and 
I always be polite ...to you. I always wink to 

ou. 
‘ Potter. No, you must not do that! Now, Lo, 
I’m going to get her a good position. 

Lo Sane Kee. Don’t bother! Me get nice place 
for her. 

Potter. Well, good bye, little Ming Toy. Lo, 
I’m going to place her with a nice American family. 

Mine Toy. Good-bye, Mr. Potter. You come 
and teach me shake shimmy. Don’t forget. (Winks 
her eye.) 

Potter. Now, you mustn’t do that. 

Mine Toy. Do what? (Up to him.) 

PoTTerR. You mustn’t wink your eye. (He winks 
his eye.) 

Mine Toy. You wink at me. : 

Potter. Nothing of the sort ... I had a fly in 


EAST IS WEST 35 


my eye! (Exit. Ad lib. Potter exits down the 
stairs R.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. (Upc. to her) Ming Toy, no 
more shall you disgrace me. You show your neck, 
you show your leg to honorable Mr. Potter. Chinese 
girl never do that. Now me know why your father 
he sell you. 

Mine Toy. Not sorry. Got better father now. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Who? 

Minc Toy. (Coaxringly—slowly) Lo Sang Kee. 


(Bus. Her hand and arm steal up sofily around his 
neck, she draws his hand down and kisses him 
Chinese fashion, rubbing noses.) 


Lo Sane Ker. Ming Toy, you just same like 
American vamp. 

Minc Toy. What is vamp? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Vamp is woman bee. (Crossing 
below her toward setice, sitting.) You go get honey, 
you get stung. (Crosses R.) 

Mince Toy. (Following him) Well, I try give 
you honey, and you sting me. 

Lo Sane Kee. I should beat you for what you 
do just now. Look, your dress undone. I should 
not beat you, I should kill you! 3 

Mine Toy.. All right. You kill, but you kill 
beautiful flower. And I know Lo Sang Kee, no 
kill beautiful flower, he like her. (Repeating bus.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. Now, you again like vamp. 
(Rises—crosses L. to table.) Ming Toy, you can 
no vamp Lo Sang Kee. You go your room. This 
is last night you sleep here. (Crosses her to u.c.— 
pipe bus.) Tomorrow, you go Charlie Yong. No 
more will you sit in my window and wink the eye. 

Mine Toy. All right. (Starts across for door 
R., stops.) Maybe, Charlie Yong got window. 
(Extts R.) 


36 EAST IS WEST 


(Enter SERVANT, announcing in Chinese “CHARLIE 
Yonc.” Enter CHARLIE YONG, from statrs R., 
following SERVANT at once.) 


CHARLIE YonG. Lo Sang Kee, good afternoon. 
Lo Sanc KEE. Good afternoon, Charlie Yong. 
CHARLIE YONG. (R.C. offers large cigarette-case) 
Have cigarette? 
Lo Sane Kee. No, thanks. Me smoke pipe. 
You like some tea? (Crosses R.U.) 

CHARLIE YONG. (Crossing) No. (Lighting 
cigarette—at table.) Why you phone for me? 

Lo SancG Kee. Charlie Yong, maybe so I give 
you what you ask me for. (Leans on show-case 
R.U.) 

CHARLIE YONG. I no ask anybody give me any- 
thing. When I see what I want, I take it. 

Lo SANG Kee. (R.c.) Sit down, Charlie Yong. 
(CHARLIE YONG removes hat.) For why, you wear 
que and American clothes? 

CHARLIE YonG. (L.c.) Fifty-fifty. I’m good 
Chinese, good American. I give clothes to America, 
hair to China. 

Lo Sanc KEE. How business, Charlie Yong? 

CHARLIE YONG. Business fine. Americans eat 
chop suey when stomach empty, eat chop suey when 
stomach full. I open another place, big place. Now 
I got five fine chop suey restaurants ... . never 
work an hour. Smart, eh? .... (Sits.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. Charlie Yong, many times you 
ask me for Ming Toy. Every time I say “no 
Now maybe so me give her to you, everything all 
right. 

eae Yonc. Fine. I take her if she all right. 

Lo Sanc KEE. Charlie Yong, you got other girls? 

CHARLIE YONG. Three. 

Lo Sanc Kee. What you want with more girls? 

CHARLIE YONG. I want new girls. Girls I got, 


EAST IS WEST 37 


I have too long. They what French man all 
“passe.” 

Lo SanG Kee.. What passe? 

CHARLIE YONG. Passe woman like automobile 
broke stuck in mud. Nobody rides, I got to get 
new machine, 

Lo Sane Kee. Charlie Yong, maybe so you like 
Ming Toy, you marry her? (c.) 

CuHarLiE YONG. No. Charlie Yong, he never 
matry. Wife kill all pep in man. I like her, she 
be good as wife, but no marry. 

Lo Sane Kee. You swear by Joss, if Ming Toy 
nice girl, you like her, you always treat her nice, 
Charlie Yong? 

CHARLIE YONG. (Rising) She nice... I like 
her. I keep her all my life. Charlie Yong nice 
always, I swear. (Lo SancG KEE crosses up L. 
Chinese oath, placing hand across his breast, as Lo 
Sanc KEE stops before door x.) Now wait, Lo 
Sang Kee. Now, I ask you something. How long 
you got Ming Toy? 

Lo Sane Kt. One year. 

Cuar.tie YONG. Where you get her? 

Lo Sane Kee. (Slowly) Love boat. 

CuHartig Yonc. Oh... sing-song girl! 

Lo Sane Kee. Yes. 

CHARLIE YonGc. You think Chinese marry sing- 
song girl? You no good Chinese! You no good 
friend of mine. 

Lo Sane Kee. Well, me think you American 
Chinese. (Sits r. of table u.) 

CHARLIE YONG. I dress American, but in heart 
am true Chinese. Why you want to give Ming Toy 
away? She passe to you? 

Lo Sane Kee. No, not what you think. 

CuHarLigE Yonc. You mean, Ming Toy not your 
woman ? 


38 EAST IS WEST 


Lo SANG KEE. Ming Toy not my woman! Ming 
Toy, no man’s woman. Ming Toy, good girl. 

CHARLIE YONG. You got her on love boat? 

Lo Sane KEE. Yes. 

CHARLIE YoNG. You lie! 

Lo Sanc Kee. Charlie Yong! Maybe you fifty- 
fifty, but you no call me lie. 

CHARLIE YoNG. Then you no try fool Charlie 
Yong. No man he fool Charlie Yong. Charlie 
Yong wise guy. (Crosses L.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. Me no try make you fool, but you 
try. make me liar. (To c.) 

CHARLIE Yonc. Then why you tell me you give 
me new coat when you know it’s second-hand? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Me know it is new. I am on love 
boat when her father he bring Ming Toy fresh like 
apple blossom, just cut from tree. (Up c.) 

CHARLIE YonG. She live here one year with you 
and not your woman? 

Lo Sane Kee. Sure! 

CHARLIE YONG. You swear? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Me swear Ming Toy just as good 
as Joss. 

CHARLIE YoNc. All right. Sorry I make you 
mad. My good friend, Lo Sang Kee, ... (Lo up 
to bell.) pick out best man for Ming Toy. Lo Sang 
Kee almost as smart as Charlie Yong. | 
Lo Sane Kee. (Rings bell tv. Mine Toy ap- 
pears) Charlie Yong .... Ming Toy. (Down to 
door. Bus. CHARLIE YONG motions Lo SANG KEE 
out of room, exit Lo SANG KEE, down L. CHARLIE 
Yonc walks around Mine Toy, appraising her, stops 
L. of her.) 

Mince Toy. Charlie Yong, I know you. 

CHARLIE YONG. Everybody knows Charlie Yong. 

Mine Toy. I see you always in Kelly’s. You 
live there? 


EAST IS WEST 39 


CHARLIE YoNG. Any place Charlie Yong hang 
his hat... his home. (Crosses R.) 

Mine Toy. Alli these girls I see you with in 
Kelly’s . . . they love you? 

CHARLIE YoNG. All girls love Charlie Yong. 

Mine Toy. What you want with little Ming 
Toy? 

CHARLIE YONG. Charlie Yong got enough love to 
spread around everywhere. 

Mine Toy. Ming Toy no like spread out love. 
Ming Toy want her man to keep his love all in one 
place ... all for Ming Toy. 

Cuar.tig Yonc. If Ming Toy can collect Charlie 
Yong’s love from all places and put it in one spot, 
all right; but it will be hard job for Ming Toy. 
(Crosses R.) 

Mine Toy. You got home? 

CHARLIE YoNG. Got nice home. Like mandarin. 

Mine Toy. I be there alone with you? 

Cuartige Yonc. No. Three other girls—faded 
roses—get jealous on you maybe .. . try to kill you. 

Mine Toy. Kill me? 

CHARLIE Yonc. That’s all right. Charlie Yong, 
he have his girls insured, so you see you be safe. 

Mine Toy. What must I do to your home? 

CHARLIE YONG. Everything easy ... just love 
Charlie Yong. 

Mine Toy. Js that all? 

CHARLIE YONG. No. Lots more. [ tell you: 
You don’t go to sleep till I come home . . . some- 
times I come home six o’clock in the morning, some- 
times not at all. You always have pitcher of cold 
ice, sometimes I come with headache. You fix me 
up. In my room, my private table. When I feel 
like it, I eat. You bring everything to me, you 
watch me eat. Then you eat at same table Charlie 
Yong eat, when I get through. (Rising, crossing 
below her, stands L. of her.) Now I tell you what 


40 EAST IS WEST 


you not do: You must not sit by window. No man 
must look at you. You must not talk to anybody 
loud. 

Mine Toy. All right. I speak only to myself. 

CHARLIE Yonc. All right. Talk to yourself, but 
not too loud. Neighbors hear. When you talk to 
yourself, always say: “Charlie Yong, nice man.” 
You can say that loud, I don’t care. You give no 
man smile but Charlie Yong. If you do, and I catch 
' you, you lose two teeth and one man, and you cry 
for Charlie Yong, but he no come back. You get 
all that? 

Mine Toy. Yes. 3 

CHARLIE YONG. It make you happy to go with 
me? 

Mine Toy. Yes. 

CHARLIE YoncG. (Calling) Lo Sang Kee? Lo 
Sang Kee? (Lo Sanc KEE enters from L.) Lo-to- 
Nu-Ma-Hi-ah .... all right, I take her. 

Lo Sane KEE. (Crossing to Mine Toy, puts his 
arms across her shoulders, speaks) Please, I ask 
you, Charlie Yong, treat Ming Toy nice. If you 
treat her mean, she be like beautiful lily after storm 
goes by. Ming Toy like baby. Sometimes she do 
mischief, but just like baby, she no do it with sense. 
Me love Ming Toy just like Chinese father love 
honored son. You be good to Ming Toy, I give 
you silk, you make silk dresses for her. 

CHARLIE YoNG. Sure, I be good to her. Now 
what I pay you for Ming Toy? 

Lo Sane Kee. I no sell girls. Just be good to 
Ming Toy. Don’t want no money for her. 

CHARLIE YonG. No, no; Charlie Yong don’t take 
girls for present. Girl man get for nothing no 
good. Man like girl better when he pay for her. 
Now, how much I pay you? 

Lo Sane KEE. (Crossing to him) Charlie Yong, 
you not got enough money to buy Ming Toy from 


EAST IS WEST At 


me. But if she cost you something make you like! 
her better, you give me what I pay for her on love- 
boat. Only that, not one cent more. 

CHARLIE YoNnG. All right, how much you pay? 

Lo Sanc KEE. Two thousand tzien. 

CuHaruig Yonc. All right. You give me paper 
written Ming Toy is mie, I give you check. 

Lo Sane KEE. (Starting across) Me write 
paper. 

CuHArLiE YonG. (Back of table, with several 
check-books in his hand) What bank I give you 
check on? 

Lo Sane KEE. All same to me. 

Mine Toy. Take little check on each bank. 
Sometimes bank bust. 

Lo SANG Kee. What matter if bank break, when 
heart broke? (Exit Lo Sana KEE L. CHARLIE 
YonG comes around to R. of Mine Toy.) 

CHARLIE YoNG. Give me kiss. 

Minc Toy. No. (Bus. CHARLIE YONG quickly 
catches her to him, kisses her, viciously,—she swings 
clear of him toward R——CHARLIE starts for door 
L., looks back, smiling.) 

CHARLIE YONG. No man kiss sweet like Charlie 
Yong, eh? (Exit CHartie Yonc. Mince Toy 
shudders in disgust; starts slowly across to door R., 
weeping sofily, leans against door-jamb, singing and 
sobbing at same time.) 





(Enter Bitty BENSON, stairs L., Picture) 
Brity. Ming Toy! (Mince Toy looks up, heart- 

ily realizing, her face transfigured as she comes 
toward him almost breathing the words.) 
* Mine Toy. Oh, ... you come! 

Bitty. Glad to see me, Ming Toy? 

Minc Toy. Every day I pray you come. 

Bitty. Did you want to see me that much? 


42 EAST IS WEST 


Minc Toy. I want to see you mucher. (They 
start for settee and sit.) You look so fine, Mr. 
Billy Benson. 

Bitty. And you, Ming Toy, you look like a 
beautiful Chinese doll. 

Mine Toy. You make nice compliments, Mr. 
Billy Benson. 

Bitty. Well, how are things with you? How are 
you getting on? 

Minc Toy. (Half-sadly) Oh, all right. 

Bitty. Have you been here with Lo Sang Kee 
all the time? 

Minc Toy. Oh, yes, all time with Lo Sang Kee. 
He be very nice to me. (Abruptly.) You come 
back long? 

Bitty. I’ve just come back. 

Mince Toy. You come to see Lo Sang Kee? 

Bitty. Yes; but I’ve come to see you, too. 

Mine Toy It make me so happy you want to 
see little Ming Toy. (Half rising.) I call Lo Sang 
Kee. 

Bitty. (Catching her) No, no, no. 

Minc Toy. Why? 

Bitty. Well, I want to ask you something and 
I don’t want anyone else to hear it. 

Mince Toy. All right. What you want to ask? 

Bitty. (Embarrassed) Well... well ...you 
speak pretty good English. 

Minc Toy. Oh, yes. Lo Sang Kee find me big 
English books with big words. He brings me “in- 
sicklepedes.” | 

Bitty. You mean encyclopaedias. (Laughing.) 

MincG Toy. Now, I call Lo Sang Kee. (Crosses 
him—he catches her.) 

Bitty. No! Please, please, please! I want to 
ask you something important. (Both sitting.) And 
I don’t want a third party present. 

Mine Toy. All right . .. what? 


EAST IS WEST . 43 


Bitty. Do you like America .. . or would you 
like to go to China? 

Minc Toy. Don’t like to go back to China, if 
Mr. Billy Benson in America. 

Bitty. That’s very sweet of you, Ming Toy. 

Minc Toy. (Repeating bus.) Now, I call Lo 
Sang Kee. (They stand c.) 

Bitty. Wait, wait, you haven’t told me any news 
yet. 

Minc Toy. Well, what I tell you? 

Bitty. Well, ask me something. 

Mince Toy. What I ask your 

Bitty. Ask me about China. 

Minc Toy. All right. Is my august father’s 
pigs all right? He buy nice pig with money he gét 
for me? 

Bitty. No; I don’t think he had a chance. I had 
his case investigated about his four quartettes. He 
disappeared very suddenly. I think he’s in America. 

Minc Toy. He, in America! He ruin America 
sure! I go tell Lo Sang Kee. Let me go. (She 
starts.) 

Bitty. (Stops her) Now, wait, wait. Tell me 

. are you having lots of fun here? 

Minc Toy. Yes. Today, I learn shake shimmy. 

Bitty. Is that so? 

MincG Toy. .Yes, Mr. Potter, nice reformer, he 
teach me dance. 

‘Brtity. Potter? Jimmy Potter? 


Mince Toy. Yes. 
Bitty. He’s my sister’s fiance, or at least he 
hopes to be. 


Minc Toy. What’s that big word? 
Bitty. Fiance? 
_ Mine Toy. Yes. 
Bitty. Well, he loves her. 
Minc Toy. Oh, that’s nice. It must be so nice 


AA EAST IS WEST 


when man love girl. Did you ever love girl? Have 
you ever been in love? 

Bitty. I don’t think I have. 

Minc Toy. (Sadly) I wish, Mr. Billy Benson, 
you come here sooner, before today. 

/Bitty. Why, I’ve just returned from China. 

Minc Toy. Too bad, I didn’t pray to Christian 


God before. 
(WARNING Piano) 

Bitty. Why? 

Minc Toy. Everything happens wrong for Ming 
Toy. (She crosses below him and goes up stage c. 
He after her.) 

Bitty. Now, Ming Toy, you must not be sad. 
Aren’t you happy to see me? 

MincG Toy. I’mso happy ... I’m miserable... 
(Pause.) Now, I call Lo Sang Kee. 

Bitty. Not yet. Remember that little song you 
sang on the love-boat? 

Mine Toy. (Nods head, smiling) I sing him 
for you. (Crosses to window-seat, picks up instru- 
ment—Piano—sits, and sings plaintively. Near the 
very end of song, enter from L., CHARLIE YONG, 
stands watching her until finish of song. Bitty, 
sitting on settee, facing her.) 

CuHarLtiE Yonc. That’s a damn nice song. 
(BILLY starts to his feet. M1nc Toy startled. Enter 
Lo SANG KEE, L., crossing to BILty.) 

Lo Sanc KEE. Welcome, my most august friend, 
Mr. Billy. 

Bitty. Glad to see you, Lo. 

Lo Sane Ker. I am very glad to see you in my 
honorable house. I have honor to introduce you to 
my good friend, Charlie Yong. Charlie Yong.... 
Mr. Benson. 

Bitty. Glad to know you, Mr. Yong. (They 
shake hands.) 

CHARLIE YONG. Have cigarette? 


EAST IS WEST 45 


Bitty. (Taking one) Thank you. 

CHARLIE YONG. (Glaring at him) All right, 
Ming Toy, you go back. I go get my automobile. 
I take you to my house tonight. You travel like 
fine lady . . . limousine. All right, go ahead. 

Mine Toy. Got lots time. 

CHARLIE YONG. You got no time when Charlie 
Yong say “go now.” 

-Lo SancG Kee. (Explaining to Bitty) Charlie 
Yong big man in town. Ming Toy she go to him. 
He got nice home for her. 

' Bitty. Oh, I see. 

CHARLIE Yonc. You see and I see... .. Don’t 
let me see Ming Toy play for you again. Charlie 
Yong’s girls play only to Charlie Yong. 

Bitty. (Apologizing) I beg your pardon, Mr. 
Yong. I didn’t know of Ming Toy’s relation to you. 
I meant no offense. You are getting a mighty fine 
little girl and I want to congratulate you. 

CuHarRLIE Yonc. When girl get Charlie Yong, girl 
‘to be congratulated. 

Bitty. All right, then, [ll congratulate Ming 
Toy. (Crossing to her, extending hand.) I’m very 
happy, for your sake. 

Mine Toy. (Stepping back) I’m sorry I cannot 
take your hand, Mr. Billy Benson. I am not so 
happy about it. 

_, CHartie Yonc. Maybe you not happy now, be- 
cause you never had Charlie Yong. 

Bitty. What’s the matter, Mr. Yong; is your 
‘press-agent sick? 

CHARLIE YonG. Charlie Yong, he need no press- 
ing. Don’t you be too smart with Charlie Yong. 

Bitty. I don’t think it requires any particular 
intelligence for you. 

CHARLIE YONG. You know who Charlie Yong is? 

Bitty. No. 


46 EAST IS WEST 


CHARLIE YonGc. You better find out who Charlie 
Yong is, before you talk. Nobody can tell you so 
much about Charlie Yong as Charlie Yong. 

Bitty. Mr. Yong, if I want to find out something 
about you, I'll try and get my information from 
someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love 
yourself, 7 

Minc Toy. (Smiling at Biry) Don’t mind Mr. 
Yong, he don’t know what sweet man you are. 

CHARLIE YoNG. Ming Toy. (She crosses toward 
CHARLIE, stopping L.c.) You got short memory: I 
tell you not to smile at other man. 

Mince Toy. You tell me you spread your love 
. ... 1 spread my smiles .. . fifty-fifty. 

CHARLIE YonG. Fifty-fifty now, maybe when you 
come to my house it be one hundred and one nothing. 

Mine Toy. Maybe you insult my nice friend, 
Mr. Billy Benson, I don’t go to your house; I like 
Mr. Billy Benson better than you. ! 

Bitty. No, Ming Toy, you mustn’t say that. 
You must like no man better but the man you’re 
going to marry. 

Mince Toy. He don’t marry me. 

Bitty. You're not going to marry her? 

CuHarLiE Yonc. No. She be lucky to be bud 
among my faded roses. (Bitty. Starting L. to Lo 
SANG KEE.) | 

Lo Sanc Kee. (Coming down c.) Mr. Billy... 
_ Bitty. What are you giving her to Mr. Yong 
for, if he isn’t going to marry her? 

Lo Sane Kee. (Steps between CHARLIE and 
Bitty) Mission say they ruin me if I don’t send 
Ming Toy away. Charlie Yong ask for her, say 
he be good to her, so I give her away. 

Cuariiz. (Around table t.) Sure. Now I go 
for my limousine. Ming Toy, I come for you, you 
be ready. Go and pack. (She does not move. Lo 


EAST IS WEST 47 


SanGc KEE goes up c.) Ming Toy, when Charlie 
Yong say go, you go. 

Lo Sanc KEE. Go, Ming Toy; Chinese woman 
always obey Chinese man. 

Minc Toy. (Crossing to Lo SANG Kee) Charlie 
Yong not Chinese man, he fifty-fifty. 

Lo Sane Kee. Ming Toy, go. (She turns 
toward Bitty, pathetically.) 

Mine Toy. Good-bye, Mr. Billy Benson. Billy, 
I’m so very sorry I not see you again. 

Bitty. Good-bye, Ming Toy, and the best of 
luck. (She starts slowly.) Don’t feel sad. 

Mine Toy. (Stopping, smiling faintly) All 
right, I no feel sad. I laugh. Sing-song girl must 
never feel sad. She must always be happy... . 
(Breaks a litile and exits Rr. Lo SanG KEE above 
table.) 

CHARLIE YonG. (To Bitty, r.u.) Maybe you 
see me, but you don’t see Ming Toy again. You 
try to see her, and . . . well, have a cigarette? 

Bitty. No, thank you. 

CHARLIE Yonc. Lo Sang Kee, good afternoon. 
(Exits downstairs, R.) 

Potter. (Off stage, stairs L., calling) Lo Sang 
Keet) Lo Sang ‘Kee! © (Enter ‘Potrer:)' Hello, 
Billy. 

Bitty. Hello, Jim. 

Potter. Lo Sang Kee, I’ve got a fine position for 
Ming Toy. 

Lo Sane Kee. It is too late. Cripple bird she 
got new nest. I give Ming Toy to Charlie Yong. 
(Exit Lo Sana KEE, stairs L.) 

Potter. Charlie Yong! 

Bitty. Do you know Charlie Yong? 

Potter. Who doesn’t know Charlie Yong? He’s 
the Beau Brummel of Chinatown. He’s the leader 
of a gang of Chinese religious fanatics ....a 


48 EAST IS WEST 


most dangerous fellow. If he gets Ming Toy, he'll 
treat her as he does all his other girls and throw 
her in the street. 

Bitty. Why doesn’t the Mission go after him? 

PoTTER. He’s the one man the Mission can’t 
touch, but he shan’t get Ming Toy. 

Bitty. What are we going to do? 

Potrer. I’ve just seen Mildred. 

Bitty. My sister? 

Potter. Yes. She'll take Ming Toy as her maid. 

Bitty. You mean install Ming Toy in our house? 

Potter. Yes, You like her .. >and i like mien 

. we'll take care of her. 

Bitty. Great! 

PoTTER. Where is she? 

Bitty. Packing. 

Potter. Call her. | 

Bitty. (Softly) Ming Toy! Ming Toy! 


(Mine Toy appears in door up R.) 


Potter. Ming Toy, we’ve got a position for you 
. . - will you come with us? 

Mine Toy. Where? 

Bitty. To my house, to be maid to my sister. 

Mince Toy. (Overjoyed) Ican go to your house? 

Bitty. Yes, if you want to go. 

Mince Toy. Oh, it make me so happy, if I could 
go to your house. 

Bitty. Good, you shall go. 

Mine Toy. But Charlie Yong, he come for me 
right away. 

Bitty. I'll get you before he comes. (To Pot- 
TER, crosses behind Mine Toy to rR. of PoTTER.) 
Jim, run down and watch the old man. 

Potter. (Starts to exit to store) Good-bye, 


EAST IS WEST 49 


Ming Toy, see you at the house. (Exti stairs up L.) 

Mine Toy. Good-bye. 

Bitty. I will go and get a taxi; will be back in 
a minute; keep your nerve. ( He dashes down- 
stairs R.) 

Mine Toy. Yes, I keep nerve. (Runs across 
stage and up to altar stage, takes out crucifix, comes 
down c.) Nice white man’s God, you bring me back 
my Billy Benson. You make good. I take you 
with me. (Puts crucifix in little basket she carries, 
starts for stairs, hears CHARLIE YONG, and rushes 
under Joss. Enter CHARLIE YONG by stairs, calling, 
“Minc To.” Crosses softly to her door, to door t., 
through door and back again, then angrily calls to Lo 
Sanc KEE.) 

CHARLIE YONG. Lo Sang Kee. Lo Sang Kee. 
(Going up to stairs L. Lo SanG KEE answers in 
Chinese, coming up the stairs.) Where Ming Toy? 

Lo Sane Kez. Ming Toy? She packing in her 
room. 

CuHARLIE YoNG. She not there. (Looks at him 
sternly.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. Not there? 

CHARLIE Yonc. (Angrily) No. 

Lo Sanc Kee. Charlie Yong, don’t be mad. You 
no find Ming Toy, me give you bac «x your check. 

CHARLIE Yonc. I don’t want check, 1 want 
Ming Toy. 

Lo Sane Kee. If I find her, you'll get her. 

CHARLIE YoNG. If you don’t find her, J find her. 
(Enter Potter coming up the stairs from store.) 

Potter. You looking for Ming Toy, Mr. Yong? 
She’s in the store. I’ve just seen her. 

Cuartie YonG. Thank you. (Going down the 
stairs calling, “Mine Toy.” Lo Sane KEE goes 
through door tL. Mince Toy comes out from under 
table, as Bitty calls her from stairs R., Lo SANG 


50 EAST IS WEST 


KEE comes back from door L., in twme to see her 
going downstairs with Bitty. As POTTER comes 
down to intercede for them, Lo SANG KEE hesitates, 
turns to audience, winks at POTTER, as—) 


CURTAIN 


AC hott 


Scene: The Drawing Room in BENson’s Resi- 
dence. 


Time: Four weeks later, 4 P. M. 


DiscovERED: At piano, MILDRED, playing MING 
Toy’s melody. After a few bars enter Jimmy 
Potter, c. from L., comes down, teasingly, puts 
his face alongside hers. Piano stops. 


Mitprep. Good Heavens, can’t you let me alone 
for a minute? 

Potter. I’m not bothering you, am I? 

Mivprep. What is it you want this time? 
_ Potrer. Oh, just a slight favor—I want you 

to marry me. 

Mitprep. That old story? What have you to 
offer besides love and money? 

Potrer. Myself. 

Mitprep. That counts for nothing. (Running 
thumbs over keys of piano.) 

Potter. Well, my career. 

MitpreD. Your career is just the thing I 
object to. 

Potter. What’s your objection to my career? 
I’m doing good work. | 

Mitprep. Yes—trying to make Christians out of 
heathen Chinese—a hopeless task. 

Potter. If the task is hopeless, it shows how 
brave I am to undertake it. 


51 


U. OF ILL. LIB. 


a FAST NAS pWESe 


Aa 


Mirprrp. I don’t believe in interfering with other 
people’s Gods. Let each race work out its own 
destiny. 

Potter. Well, I’m going to work out mine, all 
right. I’m going to marry you. (Working back of 
table.) 

Mitprep. Where were you last night? 

Potter. Oh, come now, we’re not married yet, 
you know. 

Mitprep. Where were you last night? 

Potter. Well, I took Harriet to a dance. 

Mirprep. Harriet? 

Potter. Oh, that’s nothing. Poor old Harriet! 
She hadn’t been out for a year. Mildred, I’ve got 
a surprise for you. (Taking out ring.) 

Mitprep. Are you going to show me that same 
ring again? 

Potter. (Pleading hard) Please take it this 
time. 

Mivprep. Like a pill, I’m supposed to take it five 
times a day. 

Potter. Darling, please take it this time. (Takes 
her hand away.) If you don’t, the diamond will 
get rusty. 

Mirprep. (Rises) No, I couldn’t bring myself 
to accept an engagement ring from a man who would 
go out with Harriet. (Crosses to piano.) 

Potter. (Puts ring back in pocket) Back to the 
stable. Maybe we'll take another ride tomorrow. 
(MitpRED turns to piano and resumes playing 
Chinese.) That’s Ming Toy’s little melody, i isn’t it? 
(Looking at magazine.) 

Mitprep. Yes, she’s been trying to teach it to 
me. Do you know she’s quite a talented little thing. 
Bringing Ming Toy here is the most beautiful thing 
your career has ever done for me. 

Potter. (Looking out at audience) I’m not so 
sure it is going to turn out as useful as you think. 


EAST IS WEST 53 


Mitprep. What do you mean? 

Potter. (Back to magazine) Oh, nothing—— 
_ (Mitprep resumes playing same little Chinese 
melody.) . 

Mitprep. Isn’t it quaint—and so plaintive. 

Potter. Yes, it’s very plaintive. (POTTER rises, 
stops when he sees Mine Toy, Mitprep still playing, 
strikes a few notes off key. Mince Toy enters from 
up R. still in Chinese dress, more simple than in first 
act—has litile serviette apron pinned in front to mark 
her position as Maid in the house.) 

Mince Toy. Miss Mildred, beg pardon—you 
strike wrong note. 

Mivprep. Well, would you mind showing me the 
right one? 

Mine Toy. I show you. 

Mivprep. I never can get that part of the melody 
right. 

Mince Toy. (Going to piano) Don’t play that 
note. That’s very wrong. You should play that one, 
then jump three, then black one, then this one, go 
back to that one, then up three, then that long black 
one in the middle. 

Potter. (Humorously) See, Mildred, how 
simple that is. How long have you been playing 
the piano, Ming Toy? 

Minc Toy. Only four weeks—since I come here. 

Mitprep. Isn’t it wonderful! 

Potter. (Jokingly) Ming Toy’s a born pianist. 
Got your music from your Chinese mother, eh? 

Mince Toy. All music my mother makes is when 
she cry—when my father beat her. 

Mirprep. (Playing melody correctly) Ming Toy, 
is this right? 

Mince Toy. Yes, that’s right. 

Mivprep. You're a good little teacher, Ming Toy. 

Mine Toy. Now, I go get cocktails. (Comes 


54 EAST IS WEST 


down front of table. Motions to Potter, he comes 
close to her, all three heads together.) I read in 
book all sweethearts drink cocktail. (Exit door 
down L. PoTTER and Mi tprep laugh.) 

Mitprep. (Rises, follows Minc Toy, then crosses 
below table, L. to c.) Isn’t she the dearest thing? 
She has wonderful adaptability—takes to our Amer- 
ican ways so naturally. 

Potter. (Goes to her above table L.c., is now L. 
of her) One little thing comes to me naturally. 
(Takes ring out of pocket—MILpReED slaps him on 
fingers—he replaces ring.) 

Mitprep. (Goes away from him to below settee 
rR.c.) Oh! Go away! I’m just wild over Ming 
Toy, aren’t you? 

Potter. (To back of table u.c.) Y-e-s, it is all 
right for us to be interested in Ming Toy, but how 
about Billy? 

Mitprep. Billy, why, what do you mean? 

Potter. Well, Billy is a young, impulsive fellow 
and Ming Toy is a very naive little thing. (Crosses 
to her a little.) She might fall in love with him, and 
it would break her heart. 

Mitprep. Oh, she has more sense than that. 

Potter. Don’t talk about sense when it comes to 
love. Look at me, I’m a lunatic. (Both talk ad lib. 
Touching his pocket. ) 

Mrs. Benson. (Enters stairs up v. She is in 
afternoon gown, comes L. of table v.c.) Children! 
Children! What are you children up to again? 

Mivprep. Nothing, mother! 

Mrs. BENSON. Well, Jim, is the horse out of the 
stable yet? (PoTTER crosses to R. of table L.c.) 

Potter. (Bends over table t.c.) No, it’s still in 
the stall, but I have hopes. 

Mrs. BENSON. Perseverance, my boy! Patience! 
(Sits L. of table t.c.) 

PotTrerR. Yes—I only hope my patience lasts so 


EAST IS WEST 55 


long as the ring. The poor thing has been handled 
pretty roughly. 

Minc Toy. (Enters door back with tray holding 
cocktails. On seeing Mrs. BENSON she puts tray 
on piano, runs up stage, picks up footstool from 
under piano, puts footstool under Mrs. BENSON’s 
feet) Your poor feet tired. 

Mrs. Benson. (To Mine Toy) Thank you, 
dear. (Mineo Toy takes tray from stand—brings 
tt to POTTER.) 

Potter. (Drinks cocktail, leaving cherry in glass) 
Here’s to the Horse. (Mine Toy takes glass from 
him, takes cherry out, eats same and exits L.) 

Potter. Here’s to the Horse. 

Mrs. Benson. Isn’t Ming Toy thoughtful? She 
seems to anticipate every little thought. 

Mivprep. Her present environment will make an 
American out of her. 

Potter. (Coming down to MitpreED) Environ- 
ment can only change one externally. It can’t 
change one’s blood or one’s soul. I mean, you can’t 
put a cat in a bird cage and expect it to have can- 
aries. Once a Chinese, always a Chinese. I mean, 
_once a canary, always a canary. 

Mirprep. I think, if I were brought up among 
Chinese, I could become a Chinese girl. 

Potter. (Good naturedly) You could become 
everything, particularly Mrs. James Potter, of Four- 
teen Knob Hill. 


(Tuomas enters down UL.) 


TuomAs. Beg pardon, madam, may I ask if you 
wish Ming Toy to serve the cocktails? 

Mrs. Benson. [I do, Thomas. 

Tuomas. Am I to receive my orders from Ming 
Toy, or from madam? 

Mrs. BENson. From both, Thomas. 

Tuomas. Will madam be good enough to instruct 


56 EAST IS WEST 


me as to Ming Toy’s position in this household? 
Is she maid or mistress? 

Mrs. Benson. Well, Thomas, she holds the 
unique position of both maid and mistress. When 
she is here, she is one of us, and I hope when she 
is with you, you will try to make her one of you. 

Tuomas. Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am. 
(Turns toward door t. as Minc Toy enters. He 
bows sarcastically. She looks up impudently and 
crosses him as he exits tL. Mr. BENSON enters from 
up R. as THOMAS exits. Mine Toy seeing Mr. BEN- 
SON, quickly scurries off again.) 

Minc Toy. You want cocktail, Mr. Benson? 
(Exit.) | 

Mr. Benson. Hello, Jimmy! Hello, Mildred! 
That little Chinese mouse is always moving. (Crosses 
to Mrs. BENnson, kisses her.) My dear! I see China 
is about to have another revolution. A good tning 
we left. 

Potter. China is a sound sleeper. It takes more 
than the rattling of the door to wake her up. 

Mr. Benson. (Up and around to table) In- 
deed, but it is evidence of awakening just the same. 

Mitprep. Father, don’t you think if Ming Toy 
remained in her present environment long enough, 
she could be made to act and behave like one of us? 

Mr. Benson. (Crosses to M1tpRED—S L. of her) 
Never. Not if she lived under it one thousand years. 

Potter. Quite right, sir. 

Mitprep. Not in one thousand years? 

Mr. Benson. (Sits L. of Mitprep) No, my 
child. Take the Polish people. For three hundred 
years they have been living among Austrians, Prus- 
sians, and Russians, yet in the three different en- 
vironments they have remained the same Poles. The 
Hebrews have lived two thousand years in every con- 
ceivable environment, but their basic racial traits 
have not changed. There is a racial determination 


EAST IS WEST 57 


as relentless as the laws of the Universe. Our at- 
tempts to violate that law have caused world wars. 

Mitprep. I am afraid, dad, I cannot agree with 
you. 

Mr. Benson. (Also laughing) It would be un- 
natural if you did. (Minc Toy enters down t. 
Crosses below table u.c. to L. of BENson, holding 
tray of cocktails, comes down to Mr. Benson.) 

Mine Toy. Mr. Benson Your cocktail. 
(BENSON takes glass, drinks same, hands glass back 
to Mine Toy.) You want cherry? 

Mr. Benson. No, thank you. ; 

Mine Toy. Thank you, Mr. Benson. (Jimmy 
rises.) Anybody else want cocktail? 

OmneEs. No, thank you. 

Mr. Benson. (Minc Toy starts to go) Come 
here, Ming Toy. Ming Toy, what do you think 
about China? 

Mine Toy. (Quasi-confidentially) What I think 
about China, I not say ’fore nice people. 

Mr. Benson. There’s going to be another revolu- 
tion in China. 

Mine Toy. (Of no account) Revolution in 
China, just like alarm clock in lazy man’s bed. When 
noise stop ‘he go back to sleep. 

Mr. Benson. You love America? 

Mince Toy. Sure. America fine place. Every- 
body free here, dance, make love—drink cocktails— 
no revolutions. 

Mr. BENson. You don’t drink cocktails, Ming 
Toy? 

Mine Toy. No—only like cherries. (Eating 
cherry.) Mr. Benson, you want another cocktail? 

Mr. Benson. No, thanks, Ming Toy, but you may 
have cherries just the same. 

Mince Toy. (Gets c.) Cherry no good unless he 
have bath in cocktail. 

Potter. (Trying to draw her out) Ming Toy, 





a] 


58 EAST IS WEST 


you said just now that you love America. What do 
you think of American men? Is the American man 
as good looking as the Chinaman? 

Mine Toy. American man look like peach; 
(Turns to audience.) Chinese man look like lemon. 

Potter. Ming Toy, supposing an American man 
fell in love with you, would marry him? 

one Toy. (Slowly) I think him over. (Exits 
L. 

Mitprep. (Coming round to R. of table t.c.) 
You see, father, Ming Toy does not agree with you 
either ; she believes in the blending of races. 

Potrer. (Significantly, closing door u.) Yes, if 
we are not a little more careful, we might have just 
such a blending in this very household. ~ 
_ Mrs. Benson. (Shocked) What are you inti- 
mating, Jim? 

Potter. (c.) Now of course, we all like Ming 
Toy, but there is one of us ‘here who likes her more 
than is good for him. 

Mr. Benson. (Humorously) Who is that? I 
hope you don’t mean me, Jim? 

yan No. (Crosses below Mr. BENson to 
R.C. 

Mr. Benson. (Seriously) Well, who? 

Mrs. Benson. Billy? (Rising.) 

Potter. You’ve guessed. 

Mitprep. (Rises. Standing by chair r. of table 
L.c. Resentfully) Jim Potter, do you know what 
you are saying? 

Potter. You should not be shocked at the pros- 
pect of being aunty to a cute little China doll. 

Mrs. Benson. (Rises, crosses below MILDRED, to 
Mr. Benson) Don’t joke. If there’s any founda- 
tion to this, it is too serious. 

Mr. Benson. There can be no foundation to it. 

Potter. There is ground for my suspicion. 

Mrs. BENSon. Jimmy! | 


EAST) IS; WEST 59 


Mr. Benson. What ground? 

Potter. Haven’t you all observed how much 
Billy admires Ming Toy? (MR. BENSON relieved. 
Benson turns to Mrs. BENSON in relief. She sits 
with sigh of relief.) 

Mitprep. This is not fact. (A little toward him.) 

Mr. Benson. (Impatiently) Yes, I want facts. 
(Startled.) You are always in the house, Helen— 
have you noticed anything? 

Mrs. Benson. No, Andrew. Of course, I 
know he is very fond of her. 

Potter. I tell you, Mr. Benson, this is a very 
grave matter. 

Mr. Benson. (Rises, excited. Crosses Rr. back 
of sofa) I mean to clear this thing up right away. 
(Walks up and down c. Rings for Butler.) 

Mitprep. What are you going to do, dad? 

Mr. BENson. Use a little diplomacy in my own 
home. (BuTLER THomAs enters down left.) Oh, 
Thomas, send in Ming Toy. 

-  THomas. Beg pardon, sir, she’s in her room 
dressing up. (With malice.) She usually does about 
this time of the evening, sir. 

Mr. Benson. Why this time? (Crosses v. to 
Tuomas. Potter crosses below Mrs. BENson and 
Miprep to r. of Mr. Benson.) 

Tuomas. (Significantly) Mr. Billy generally 
on) in about this time, sir. (Looks between them 

Mr. Benson. Well, you tell Ming Toy I want to 
see her immediately. (BuTLER Tuomas bows and 
exits.) Is she dressing to attract my boy? 

Potter. Obviously. 

Miuprep. There is nothing wrong in that, father. 

Mr. Benson. (Crosses to x. of c.) There is. 
If this little Chinese girl has taken advantage of 
our kindness, well 

Potter. Mr. Benson, won’t you please let me 

| ae 





60 BAST VIS DWESE 


talk to her? I have known her longer than you. 
She will tell me more than she will tell you. 

Mivprep. That’s right, dad; let Jimmy talk to her 
—you must not excite yourself. 

Mr. Benson. All right, Jim. Get all the facts 
from her. (To window until cue.) 

Potter. I will. Just leave me alone with Ming 
Toy, and I'll get the truth. (Crosses a litile toward 
door down tL.) 

Mrs. Benson. (To Mitprep) Come, dear. 
What do you think df it, Mildred? 

MitprepD. (Crosses up to stairs with Mrs. BEN- 
son) As far as I am concerned, it doesn’t make a 
bit of difference to me. 

Potter. Well, it does to me. I’m a member of 
the family. ; 

MitpreD. Not yet. (Exits up stairs up w.) 

Mrs. Benson. (Stops, goes to Lt. of POTTER) 
Go easy with her, Jim. Even though she is a little 
Chinese girl, remember, love has no race. 

Mr. BENSON. Surely, you wouldn’t approve of 
it, dear? 

Mrs. Benson. My dear, no—no! (Exits up 
stairs.) 

Mrs. Benson. (Crosses up to stairs) You get 
the truth. 

Potter. (Follows him up—is rR. of BENSON) I 
will get the truth, Mr. Benson. (BENSON exits u 
stairs. PoTTER crosses to sofa. Mine Toy enters 
L.) My, how lovely you are looking? 

Mince Toy. Who want me? 

Potter. I do, Ming Toy. My, but you are ‘dolled 
up, aren’t your 

MineG Toy. (Iunocenily) I’m always doll at this 
time. 

Potter. Ahem! Sit down here! 

Mine Toy. Thank you. (Takes out handker- 
chief, smells it and looks disappointed.) 


EAST. AS: WEST 61 


Potter. What’s the matter, Ming Toy? 

Mine Toy. I forgot perfume. Always use per- 
fume, when doll up. 

Potter. Tl have the butler fetch it. 

MincG Toy. Oh, yes. Let Thomas wait on me. 

Potter. (Rings for But er, bell on table R.c.) 
Do sit down. (Mince Toy sits on chair, just occu- 
pied by Mrs. BENSON, and places footstool cutely 
under feet. Potter places footstool right.) 

Mine Toy. Thank you. (BUTLER enters down 
L. and observing Mina Toy sitting in his mistress’ 
chair, is shocked.) 

Potter. Thomas, will you go to Ming Toy’s room 
and fetch her perfume? 

Tuomas. (Horrified) I beg pardon, sir. Ming 
Toy’s perfume! 

Potter. Yes, Ming Toy’s perfume. 

Tuomas. (Gulping) Yes, sir. (Exit down tL.) 

Mince Toy. Heno like smell. I use best perfume. 

Potter. What perfume do you use? 

Mine Toy. Tar soap. 

Potter. Tar soap a perfume? Since when? 

Mine Toy. Mr. Billy want buy me most ex- 
pensive bad perfume in bottle. I not let him. Tar - 
_soap fine perfume and don’t leak out. (Re-enter 
Tuomas with tar soap, gives it to Mine Tov.) 
Thank you, Thomas. (THomAs exits. Mine Toy 
rubs the soap a litile bit on handkerchief—smells it, 
and puts it aside.) 

Potter. (Sits on table u.c. Subtly) Mr. Billy 
buys you lots of things? 

Mine Toy. Oh, yes, Mr. Billy want buy me 
whole world, but I can’t put in my room. 
_ Potter. No, of course not, you must have lots 
of things in your room. 

Mrinc Toy. Oh, yes, he brings me new present 
every night. 


62 FAST IS WEST 


PoTtTER. Indeed? Well, how does he manage it? 
No one ever seems to have seen him. 

Minc Toy. I tell you. He brings presents in 
over-coat pocket. I take coat to my room, take 
presents out and bring coat back down here. 

Potter. Oh, I see—saves delivery expenses. 

Mine Toy. Yes. 

Potter. I see. What are the things he brings? 

MinG Toy. Books. Books with big words. I 
measure one big word and he six inches long. 

Potter. I suppose he brings some nice jewels? 

Mine Toy. Oh, yes, he give me jewels, but I 
don’t like wear ’em. He give me two nice gold 
diamond safety pins; wear ’em here to hold up— 
(Pointing to shoulders.) But he bring me every day 
one present I like best of all. 

Potter. Really! What is that? 

Minc Toy. A bag peanuts. 

PottTer. He hasn’t given you an auto yet, has he? 

Minc Toy. Don’t like to ride in auto with Mr. 
Billy. Streets run away too quick. Wal makes 
streets longer. 

Potter. Oh, I see—you walk? 

Mine Toy. ‘Oh, yes—take nice walks with Mr.. 
Billy in garden, and when moon shine and Mr. Billy 
by my side, feel like soft silver cloud that floats in 
sky, and when the sweet breeze blow my hair against 
my cheek, I feel as if God kiss me. Nothing sweeter 
than that, is there? 

PoTTER. Well, I have never been in love. 

Mince Toy. (Naively) Then you lie to Miss 
Mildred ? 

Potter. Well, I’ve been in love with her so long, 
I don’t feel it any more. 

Mine Toy. When you in love long time, you 
don’t feel it? I don’t think so, Mr. Jim. Longer 
you love—better you like it. 

Potter. Is that your personal experience? 


EAST IS WEST 63 


Minc Toy. Yes. 

PoTTER. What do you love? 

Mine Toy. Oh, lots things. Love music—love 
moon, stars, daisies, Christian God and tar soap. 

Potter. Don’t you love people? 

Mine Toy. Sure—lots. I love Lo Sang Kee. I 
love Mr. Benson, Mrs. Benson, Miss Mildred, Mr. 
Billy Benson and Ming Toy. 

Potter. Don’t you love me? 

Mine Toy. I don’t think so. 

Potter. Why don’t you love me? 

Mince Toy. I don’t know. If Ming Toy find out 
why she don’t love you, she tell you. 

PoTTER. (Good-naturedly) Be sure to let me 
know. (Pause.) Is there anyone in the world you 
love best? 

Mine Toy. Mr. Billy Benson—and Ming Toy. 

Potter. (Very seriously) Do you think it’s all 
right for you to love Mr. Billy? 

Mine Toy. Sure, it’s all right. He always do 
nice things for me. 

Potter. Well, you know sooner or later Mr. 
Billy might become engaged and that would break 
your little heart, wouldn’t it? 

Mince Toy. Mr. Billy Benson can’t hurt me. 
Everything he do, I love. (Enter Bitty from door 
back, up R., wearing light overcoat.) 

Bitty. Hello! Am I interrupting a tete-a-tete? 

Potter. Not at all. Ming Toy and I are just 
having a little chat. How fat you’ve grown. You 
look all hips! What have you got in those pockets? 

Bitty. Oh, just some private papers. I’ve a 
little 

Potter. Papers ? Don’t look like papers. 
(PoTTER crosses to BiLLy as if to inspect. BILLy 
quickly takes coat off and places it on settee R.c. 
BILty crosses below PottTer, who goes to settee.) 








64 EAST IS WEST 


Bitty. (To Mine Toy. Lightly) What have 
you two been talking about? 

Mine Toy. Oh, Mr. Jimmy, he ask me lot fool- 
ish questions. 

Bitty. Oh! Jim is becoming inquisitive. 

Mince Toy. I tell all nice things you bring me 
every day. 

Bitty. Oh, is that what he has asked you? 

Mine Toy. Oh, everything—about love, kiss, 
moon, everything. 

Bitty. (Looking at Potter) Oh, he did. Jim’s 
getting romantic. 

Mince Toy. I don’t think Mr. Jim understands 
me. You do, Mr. Billy. 

Potter. (Zo Mine Toy) No, Ming Toy. I'l 
admit you’re a Chinese puzzle. 

Mine Toy. You right. I’m a whole lot little 
pieces, and Mr. Billy puts me together. 

Bitty. I guess she’s right, Jim. There are lots 
of puzzles you can’t solve. 

Potter. What do you mean? 

Bitty. Well, it’s a Chinese puzzle. Solve it! 

Potter. Well, I guess I have one puzzle of my 
own to solve. (Takes ring from pocket.) How to 
get the horse out of the stable. (POTTER picks up 
coat as BILLY speaks to MING Toy and goes to steps, 
L., with it.) 

Bitty. Well, what have you been doing all day? 

Mine Toy. Oh, Thomas (Sees Porrer.) 
Look! Look! 

Bitty. (Turning) Here! Where are you going 
with that coat? 

Potter. Oh, I’m just taking it to Ming Toy’s 
room. It’s too heavily laden for her to carry. 

Bitty. Well, let her try. 

Potter. Do you really want it? 

Bitty. Yes, let her try. Come now, put it down. 

Potter. Allright. Whata peculiar smell. Here, 





EAST IS WEST 65 


an it. (Laughing.) Oh, my God! (Exits stairs 
Li. 

Bitty. (Looks around furtively, having caught 
overcoat, whispers) I’ve got some presents for you. 

Mine Toy. (In low voice) Got tar soap? 

Bitty. (Whispers) Two cakes. 

Minc Toy. (Same way) Peanuts? 

Bitty. (Same way) Bag full. 

Minc Toy. Oh, gquick—give me peanuts. (Gives 
bag to her. Bitty sits down beside her as she takes 
peanuts out of bag.) 

Bitty. (Crosses to her R., sits R. of her on sofa) 
Here is a precious book for you. (Gives her a book, 
the cover of which must have a strong color, so 
as to be noticed in darkness of stage in next act.) 

Minc Toy. Oh! So glad for precious book 
Got long words, eh? (Opens book, looks page over.) 
Oh, it’s not precious book; words so small can’t take 
them in your hand. (He laughs.) What’s name? 

Bitty. “Sorrows of Love.” 

Mine Toy. “Sorrows of Love’”—— Is there any- 
thing sad in love? 

Bitty. Sometimes. 

Mine Toy. Oh—didn’t know that? 

- Bitty. Ming Toy, have you heard from Lo Sang 
Kee? 

Minc Toy. No. (Crack and eat peanuts during 
following scene, putting husks back in bag. Pause.) 
You think Lo Sang Kee think about Ming Toy? I 
don’t think Lo Sang Kee care see me. Maybe Lo 
Sang Kee forget Ming Toy. 

Brrry. Well, don’t mind Lo Sang. I’m thinking 
about you. I have been thinking about you all day. 

Minc Toy. I know you think about me. (Eats 
peanuts.) 

Bitty. How do you know? 

Minc Toy. Cause I think about you. 

Bitty. What do you think about me? 





66 FAST IS, WEST 


Mine Toy. I think too bad you got go down 
town all day. You can’t stay here. 

Bitty. I am sorry that you can’t come down- 
town; but you have to stay here all day. 

Mine Toy. Why don’t you stay here and let 
Thomas go downtown? You be butler. Thomas 
good business man; he borrow a dollar from me 
once and never did pay it back. He good business 
man. You make fine butler. 

Bitty. Well, I don’t quite fancy the position, 
but I might manage to take you downtown. 

Mine Toy. And Thomas teach me to be good 
business man. (Pause.) Nice moonlight tonight. 

Bitty. How do you know? It’s daytime. 

Mine Toy. I feel moonlight into my bones. 

Bitty. You like the moon? 

Mince Toy. Yes, when it make your face brighter 
so I see you better. 

Bitty. Ming Toy, will you meet me in the garden 
tonight ? 

Mine Toy. If garden be there, Ming Toy be 
there. I feel so happy when I walk with you in 
garden. You feel same? How you feel? 

Bitty. Happiness does not express it. I will 
have to get someone to invent a new word. 

Mine Toy. All right, I'll do it. (Rises.) 1 
make it out of this new book. I bet will be yard 
long. (Crosses over to L. as though to get book.) 

Bitty. Ming Toy. (She returns to him.) Sup- 
pose I should have to go away? 

Mine Toy. If you go to bottom of ocean, Ming 
Toy go too. 

Bitty. Supposing the folks should ask you to go? 

Mince Toy. I stay here with you and tell folks go. 

Bitty. I hardly think they would accommodate 
you. 3 

Mine Toy. Why they want me to go? Don’t 
I make Thomas do his work? Don’t I make Kate 


EAST IS WEST 67 


wash dishes before she goes out with her beau? 
Don’t I make Maggie sweep carpet before she eat 
breakfast, and don’t I bring your papa pills when 
he coughs in the night, and don’t I fill hot water 
- bottle for your mama If they send me away 
from here, this big house all bust up. 

Bitty. Ming Toy—lI’m afraid there’s going to 
be trouble. 

Mine Toy. Still, I don’t go away. Once I stand 
in China when they shoot all around me, and I 
don’t go away. For trouble, I don’t care this 
(Snaps fingers of r. hand.) For bullets, I don’t care 
that (Snaps fingers of her v. hand.) 

Bitty. You don’t fear death? : 

Mine Toy. If they send me away from you, I 
wouldn’t care,—TI like death. 

Bitty. Sweet little Ming Toy. (Takes both her 
hands in his. BuTLeR THomas enters rear door up 
R.) 

Tuomas. Beg pardon, sir, a distinguished look- 
ing Chinese to see you, sir. 

Bitty. (Rises with Mince Toy) What’s his 
mame? Lo Sang Kee? (Crosses up vL. to him.) 

Tuomas. That sounds like it, sir. 

Bitty. Let him come right in. (Crosses up to 
L. of THOMAS.) 

Tuomas. Yes, sir. (Evxits.) . 

Mine Toy. (Jn great joy) Oh, he come. You 
see he like Ming Toy. I knew Lo Sang Kee come 
sometime to see Ming Toy. (Lo SANG KEE enters 
elaborately dressed in heavily embroidered robe. 
Mine Toy sweeps over to him.) Hello, Lo Sang 
Kee. 

Lo Sane Ker. Hello, Ming Toy. You look fine. 
(Takes her hand.) 

Mince Toy. You look fine too. I miss you. You 
miss Ming Toy much?. (Lo Sane KEE appears as 
if something very oppressive ts on his mind.) 











68 EAST UTS (WEST 


Lo Sanc Ker. He miss you very much. 

Mine Toy. You’re not mad I run away? 

flo Sanc Kee. Me see you when you run away. 
‘Smiles.) You hide under Joss. 

Mince Toy. You see meP 

Lo Sanc KEE. Yes. 

Minc Toy. And you let me go? 

Lo SAnG KEE. Yes. 

Mine Toy. I guess Charlie Yong mad, eh? 

Lo SANG KEE. Charlie Yong very mad, yes. 

Bitty. Has he tried to make trouble for you, 
Lo? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Every day, Charlie Yong come 
and say, “Where Ming Toy?” Every day me say, 
me don’t know where Ming Toy is. 

Mince Toy. But you did know! 

Lo Sane Kee. (With a sigh) Yes, me lie for 
Ming Toy. 

Bitty. That was fine of you, Lo. 

Mrinc Toy. Charlie Yong say no girl run away 
from him. He smart man, Charlie Yong. Ming 
Toy show him. 

Lo Sanc KEE. (In grave tone) Yes, Ming Toy, 
she show him, but Charlie Yong no man to be fooled 
always. Charlie Yong come to me today and say 
you no get me Ming Toy today I send two society 
Brotherhood men to kill Lo Sang Kee tonight. 
(Minc Toy crosses L. of Bitty in front of table.) 

Bitty. Oh, he’s a bully, Lo Sang Kee, that’s only 
a threat. 

Lo Sane Kee. When Charlie Yong say man 
must die—man die. 

Bitty. Couldn’t it be squared with money? 

Lo Sanc Kee. Charlie Yong don’t want money. 
He want Ming Toy. 

Bitty. (Determined) Well, he can’t have her, 
Lo! 

Lo Sane KEE. Then Lo Sang Kee must prepare 


EAST. IS) WEST 69 


to meet his ancestors. (THOMAS enters with card, 
hands same to Bitty, he reads it, his face darkens. 
Lo SanG KEE looks at card. Mince Toy looks at 
card. 

Bitty. Tell Charlie Yong to come in. 

Mine Toy. (Frightened) Wait, Thomas. 
(Tuomas stops.) Don’t let Charlie Yong come in. 
He take me away. 

Lo Sane Kee. (Ansiously) Charlie Yong fol- 
low me here. He watch me. 

Bitty. I’m not afraid of him. Show him in. 
(THOMAS exits.) 

Mine Toy. (In despair) Oh, Mr. Billy, don’t let 
him in. He grab me. He carry me away. He 
carry me away. 

Bitty. Don’t fear, Ming Toy. (Mine Toy 
crosses to table L.c. and tries to get under it.) 

Mine Toy. I hide under table. 

Bitty. It isn’t necessary. (Enter CHARLIE 
Yonc. Sizes up the people, swinging his cane. 
Crosses to Bitty, looks at him menacingly, then 
takes out cigarette case and offers cigarette to 
BILLY. ) 

CHARLIE Yonc. Have cigarette! 

Bitty. No, thank you. (CHARLIE YONG re- 
places case in pocket.) 

CHarLigE Yone. (Sharply) Lo Sang Kee, you 
lie to Charlie Yong. 

Lo Sane Kee. (Apologetically) Yes, me lie for 
Ming Toy. 

CHARLIE Yonc. You lie! (Looks at Mince Toy 
severely.) Ming Toy, this time you don’t run away. 
This time, you go with Charlie Yong. (Mine Toy 
shrinks from him. To Bitty.) What you think, 
you take girl away from Charlie Yong? 

Bitty. Now listen, Charlie Yong, you might as 
well know this now. Ming Toy is here to stay. If 


70 EAST IS WEST 


you have any further business here, let us hear it. 
tf not, good-bye. 

CHARLIE YONG. I don’t leave here without Ming 
Toy. No more fooling with Charlie Yong. 

Bitty. What claim have you on her? 

CHARLIE Yona. I bought her. I pay for her. 
Got it in writing. When Chinese pay for girl, no- 
body take her away from him. (Crosses to her.) 
You know that Ming Toy, don’t you? 

Minc Toy. Yes, I know—(Bitty goes up)— 
but I don’t go. (About to follow Bitty, CHARLIE 
Yone grabs her.) 

CuHartigE YonG. (Crosses to her) You belong 
to Charlie Yong? 

Mine Toy. (In a rage) Ming Toy belong to 
nobody that she don’t like. Ming Toy belong to her- 
self. Why you come here, Charlie Yong? Charlie 
Yong can’t stand Ming Toy have a little happiness? 
Ming Toy never had chance. In China, one out of 
sixteen children,—not much left for Ming Toy. I 
come here, Lo Sang Kee nice to me. Mission come 
and Lo Sang Kee must put me out. God send me 
Mr. Billy, angel—he bring me here—first time Ming 
Toy happy. Please don’t take away my happiness, 
Charlie! 

CHARLIE YoNG. You little fool! You’re mine! 

Bitty. She’s yours. You bought her. What 
other claim have you on her? 

Cuartige Yonc. I love Ming Toy. First time 
Charlie Yong ever love. 

Bitty. You love the wrong girl. 

CHARLIE YonG. I know. I know you love Ming 
Toy. 

Bitty. (Defiantly) Supposing I do? 

CHARLIE Yonc. Well, you have no right to love 
her. Ming Toy Chinese girl. Why you want 
Chinese girl? 

Mina Toy. (Tempestuously) Ming Toy no 


EAST IS WEST 7 


China girl. Got nothing China. Don’t feel China. 
Don’t think China. Don’t like China. Don’t know 
why for hell God put me in China. 

CuHartige Yonc. I know why you say you don’t 
want to be Chinese girl. You love American man— 
Mr, Billy Benson. Now you want to be American 
girl so he love you. You do love him, don’t you? 

Mince Toy. (With abandon) Yes, I love him. 
T love him! I love Billy Benson. You try to take 
me away from him—you see, Charlie Yong, you 

CHARLIE YONG. You go with Charlie Yong. 

Mine Toy. No! No! No! 

CHARLIE YONG. (Crosses below Bitty to L. of 
Lo Sane Kee. To Lo Sane KEE in very threaten- 
ing tones) Lo Sang Kee, you tell Ming Toy to go. 

Lo Sane Kee. I can’t do it, Charlie Yong. 

CHARLIE Yonc. You know what happen to you? 

Lo Sane Kee. Yes, but can’t bear to make Ming 
Toy not happy. 

CHARLIE YONG. You deliver Ming Toy. (Seizes 
his wrist and twists his arm till Lo Sane KEE writhes 
im pain.) 

Bitty. Quit this, Charlie (Bitty looks dan- 
gerously at CHARLIE YONG, so he lets go of Lo SANG 
Kee’s arm. Mr. BENSON enters up L. stairs, sur- 
prised at gathering and crosses to Lo SANG KEE.) 

‘Mr. Benson. Hello, Lo Sang Kee! 

Lo Sane Kee. Hello, Mr. Benson! 

Mr. Benson. (Indicating CHARLIE Yonc) Is 
this a friend of yours? 

CHARLIE Yonc. (Hands his card to Mr. BEN- 
son) Charlie Yong. 

Mr. Benson. (Looks at card) Oh! You're the 

famous Chop Suey Magnate. 
_ . CHartrE Yonc. Yes, everybody all over the 
~ world know Charlie Yong’s Chop Suey. When you 
buy Chicken Chop Suey from Charlie Yong, you 
get chicken. | 








rE: EAST IS WESY 


Mr. Bensciv. I have always wondered what was 
in it. What can I do for my distinguished visitors, 
os is your business with my son? 

Cuar.igE Yonc. It is with your son. It has also 
to do with chicken. 

Mr. Benson. Indeed! 

CHARLIE YonNG. Your son—he stole my girl away 
from me—Ming Toy. 

Mr. BENson. Why should my son steal your girl? 
A Chinese girl? 

CuHarLige Yonc. Lots of white men love Chinese 
girl. 

Mr. Benson. What do you mean? 

CuHaRLIE YoNc. You know. He want her for 
himself. (Pause.) 

Lo Sane Kee. (Moves down a little) No, truly, 
Mr. Benson, Mr. Billy Benson feel very sorry for 
Ming Toy. He try to help her. 

Mr. BENson. (Crosses a step to CHARLIE) Why, 
of course, that’s it. How could it be anything else. 
You want Ming Toy. That is your mission, eh? 

CHARLIE YONG. Yes, I only come to take what is 
mine. 

Mr. Benson. Do you love Ming Toy? 

CHARLIE Yonc. Yes, I do anything i in the world 
for Ming Toy. 

Mr. Bacon: (Tenderly) Come here, Ming 
Toy. (Mrne Toy goes to him.) Wouldn’t you like 
to go with Charlie Yong? He says he is going to 
be very nice to you. 

Mince Toy. Charlie Yong got lots girls. He be 
nice to me for little while; just when I am very 
young. Then he throw me out like others. 

Bitty. That’s his reputation, dad! He will take 
Ming Toy, degrade her, and then throw her over. 

CHARLIE YONG. No, always love Ming Toy. 

Bitty. Will you marry her? 

Mr. BENson. Yes, will you marry her? (CHar- 


e 
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— 
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4 


EAST IS WEST 73 


LIE YONG hesitates.) If you do, I will see that you 
get her. 

CHARLIE Yonc. All right, I marry her. Ming 
Toy have honor of being first wife Charlie Yong 
ever marry. 

Minc Toy. (1. of c.) Don’t want honor, don’t 
want marry you, Charlie Yong. 

Mr. Benson. (In fatherly manner) You can’t 
be a maid always. Charlie Yong is a very pros- 
perous citizen. He will take good care of you, and 
I think it is the best thing for you to do. (Passes 
her to c.) 

CHARLIE YonGc. Thank you, Mr. Benson. Come 
on, Ming Toy, we go. 

Mr. BENson. You've got to marry her now. Tl 
go with you to be sure that you are sincere. 
(CHARLIE YONG lets her hand drop.) I will take 
you to the judge. 

Cuartige Yonc. All right. I marry her to- 
day—— 

ae Toy. (Pleads with Mr. Benson) Oh, 
Mr. Benson, I don’t want marry Charlie Yong. I 
don’t want marry Charlie Yong. I want to stay 
here. 

_ Mr. Benson. You can’t stay here any longer. 

Bitty. Why can’t she stay, father? 

Mr. Benson. You know. (To him one step.) 

Bitty. I don’t know. 

Mr. Benson. I can’t discuss it with you now. 
Go and get ready. (Front table. Mine Toy looks 
at BILy, pleading, then proceeds to stairs L. crying.) 

Bitty. Wait a minute, Ming Toy! (To his 
father.) Father, Charlie Yong has just told you 
that I love Ming Toy. He was right. I love her. 

CHar.iz Yonc. Iknowthat! Charlie Yong wise 
guy! 

Mr. Benson. You love Ming Toy? 


oA EAST IS WEST 


Bitty. I love Ming Toy and I am going to marry 
her. 

Mr. Benson. (Crosses to door tL.) Marry her! 

Bitty. . Yes. 

Mr. Benson. Mr. Yong, will you step into this 
room, please? (CHARLIE YONG crosses to door.) 
You will excuse me? 

CHARLIE YoNG. Sure, you pot} sense. I wait 
while you fix everything up for Charlie Yong. Have 
cigarette ? 

Mr. Benson. No, thanks. (CHARrtIE YONG 
exits down R.) Billy, do you want to protect Ming 
Toy against Charlie Yong, or do you really mean 
to marry her? 

Bitty. I intend to marry her. . | 

Mr. Benson. She’s a Chinese girl. (Up to win- 
dow back of table.) (ULAM 

Bitty. It makes no difference to me. | (Enter 
Potter and Mrs. Benson from upstairs.) 

Potter. (Noticing strained look on faces of all 
Reason ) What’s the matter? 

{r. BENson. You were right, Jim. Billy wants 
to marry Ming Toy. 

Mrs. BENSON, (Shocked) Oh! 

Porter. Billy, you can’t be serious about this. 
Do you realize what it means to your family? To 
you? Do you realize that it will cut you off from 
every possible chance in life? 

Bitty. Maybe, but I love Ming Toy. 

Mrs. BENSON. You will be a laughing eee you 
will be ruined. 

Bitty. Perhaps, I will, mother, but I love Ming 
Toy.. I love her. 

Potter. Billy, just as well kill yourself as marry 
Ming Toy. 

Buy. I’d rather do that than not marry Ming 
Toy—that’s final. 

Mr. Benson. Now let me reason with you, my 


EAST IS WEST 78 


son. Now you know—(Enier MivprEpD from stairs 
up L. Crosses to Bitty, below PoTTER down L.c. 
Potter meets MILDRED up stage.) 

Bitty. I know, I’ve thought it over. I appreciate 
all the difficulties, all the pain and suffering that it 
may cause you, but I cannot help it. I love Ming 
Toy. (MuitpRED crosses to Mrs. BENSON.) 

Mr. Benson. Now, Billy, listen. (Crosses to 
BILty.) 

Bitty. I don’t want to listen, I can’t listen. 
Everything you have ever told me to do I have done, 
but I can’t please you this time. I know the ques- 
tions you are going to raise. I’ve raised them my- 
self and answered them myself in your own way, 
and still I love Ming Toy. (Goes up c.) | 

Mr. Benson. (Goes to Mina Toy at settee) 
You love my boy? 

‘Mine Toy. I love Mr. Billy Benson. 

Mr. Benson. You love him because he is a fine, 
prosperous, handsome white man. 

Mine Toy. I love Mr. Billy Benson if he was 
- poor man in street. I love Mr. Billy Benson if he 
was any color. I love him. If stone have heart like 
Mr. Billy Benson, I love stone. If devil have soul 
like Mr. Billy Benson, Ming Toy love devil. (Drops 
into settee R.c. breaks into tears, Lo SANG KEE puts 
his hand on her.) 

Mr. Benson. You can’t stay in my house another 
minute. , 

Mitprep. (Comes below table u.c.) You are not 
going to send Ming Toy off, father. It’s no crime 
to love. 

Mr. Benson. (Crosses below Bitty) She must 


£0. 
Mince Toy. (Rises, crying) All right, Mr. Ben- 
son, I go tomorrow. 
Mr. Benson. Now, you go right now. 
Mine Toy. Where I sleep? 


“6 EAST IS WEST 


Mr. Benson. I don’t know. You go now. 
(M1nc Toy looks at each in turn, and starts up 
when Lo SANG KEE stops her.) 

Lo Sane KEE. (In great sorrow) Ming Toy 
poor crippled bird, your little nest always waiting 
for you home Lo Sang Kee. 

Minc Toy. No, thank you, Lo Sang Kee—but I 
can’t go to you. Charlie Yong catch me. I go to 
new place again. Ming Toy go from place to place. 
God made Ming Toy good traveler. (Proceeds to 
stairs up L.) 

Bitty. Just a minute, Ming Toy. | 

Mr. Benson. (To him, is L. of him) What are 
you going to do? 

Bitty. I am going with Ming Toy. (BENSON 
crosses down below settee R.c.) 

Potter. Where will you go with her? Where 
can you go with a Chinese girl? You will be barred 
here, and if you go to China, you will be barred 
there. 

Bitty. You may be right, fimmy. If the land is 
closed to us, the seas are open, and I can love her 
there! 

Potter. Billy, you’re staking your whole life. 

Bitty. It’s my own life. (Coming to Mine Toy, 
puts arm im hers, proceeds to door rear.) 

Mr. BENSON. Just a minute, Billy. Will you do 
one thing for me? 

Bitty. Anything, if it isn’t to give up my love 
for Ming Toy. 

Mr. Benson. I want you to think this over be- 
fore making a final decision. I ask you to give it a 
little time. Say, one week. 

Bitty. It’s useless, father. I shall love Ming 
Toy after one week, one year, one thousand years. 

Mrs. BENson. Won’t you do this little thing for 
us? 


EAST IS WEST 79 


Bitty. What is the use, mother, it wouldn’t make 
any difference. 

Lo Sanc Kee. My friend, Billy Benson, you 
should wait for Ming Toy’s sake. You should be 
sure you love her. 

Bitty. (Lo SAnG KEE looks at Mine Toy, she 
comes down to L. of Bitty) Iam sure of it now. 

Mine Toy. (Pleading very lovingly, he looks 
at her) We wait, dear—you do this forme. I want 
it, Billy. 

Bitty. You doubt my love for you? 

Mine Toy. No, Billy, I am sure you love me, 
but I want you to please your papa and mama. 

Bitty. Father, if I wait will you permit Ming 
Toy to remain here? 

Mr. Benson. I will. 

Bitty. Will you treat her as the woman I love? 

Mr. Benson. I will. Ill give her a fair chance. 
Shegshall stay as one of us. 

Mine Toy. Thank you, Mr. Benson. 

Bitty. All right dad, Til wait. (Goes to Lo 
Sanc Kee.) 

Mr. Benson. Thank you, my son. (Open door 
of study down R. and calls.) Mr. Yong, step in, 
please. (CHARLIE YONG enters.) 

CHARLIE Yonc. (Steps Rr. of Mr. BENsonN) You 
fix everything all right for Charlie Yong? 

Mr. Benson. Yes. 

CuHartiE Yonc. (Crosses below Mr. BENSON to 
c.) Come on, Ming Toy, we go. 

Mr. Benson. Mr. Yong, I want you to let Ming 
Toy stay here. (CHARLIE YonG stops.) I shall 
send her to you in due time. Is that all right? 

CHARLIE YONG. No. First your son try to fool 
me, and now you want to trick me. 

Mr. Benson. Trick you? 

CuarLig Yona. Yes, Mr. Benson, I know you 


78 BAST IS.) WEST 


do lot for Chinese people, but no white man take 
Chinese girl away from Charlie Yong. (Walks over 
to Mine Toy.) Ming Toy, you marry another man, 
and I kill him! 

Mine Toy. You kill my Billy? 

CHARLIE YoNG. You don’t come soon to Charlie 
Yong, Pll kill your Billy. (Bitty makes move to 
CuHarLige Yonc. Mine Toy crosses below CHARLIE 
YonG to R. of him.) 

Minc Toy. Charlie Yong. You big strong man, 
I little tiny girl, but Ming Toy not scared. All nice 
sweet people here afraid of you, but Ming Toy not 
afraid of you. They treat you like real fine gentle- 
man, but Charlie Yong, you no gentleman, and I 
don’t treat you like gentleman. I treat you like bum. 
Get out. You not say again you kill my Billy. 
(Rushes to door and flings it open.) Get out! 
(CHARLIE YONG does not stir.) Thomas! Thomas! 
Thomas! (CHARLIE Yonc crosses to door.) 

CuHartige Yonc. (In rage) Ming Toy, no girl 
speak to Charlie Yong like that. I'll fix you when 
you come to me, and you’ve got to come to me. 

Mine Toy. (Up to him) Maybe. You pay for 
me, I am your property, maybe I got to come to 
you. When I do you treat me as you like, but you 
never say again you kill my Billy—you never 
harm my Billy. I kill you first. (Tuomas appears 
at door up R.) Thomas, put this chink out. 


CURTAIN 


ACT Ill 


DISCOVERED: Discover Mr. and Mrs. BENson, Mr. 
and Mrs. Davis, Miss FouNTAIN and Escort, 
and others—ad lib. conversation until curtain is 


well up. 


Mrs. Davis. Well, good night. It’s been a won- 
derful evening. You are to be congratulated on 
your splendid choice for Mildred. Jimmie Potter is 
a great boy. 

Mrs. Benson. Indeed, he is. He'll make Mil- 
dred:a fine husband. 

Mrs. Davis. I’m sure, he will. Good night. 
(Crosses below BENSON, who stops her with his 
voice.) 

Mr. Benson. By the way, how did you like our 
Chinese doll? 

Mrs. Davis. (Near doorway R.) She is ador- 
able. 

Mr. Benson. (L. of her) You know, the son 
of one of our finest families is in love with her, 
and intends to marry her. 

Mrs. Davis. Indeed! I’m sorry for the family. 
Weill, good night. (Exits u.R.) : 

Miss Fountarn. Good night, Mrs. Benson; Jim- 
mie Potter is the catch of the season. 

Mrs. Benson. Thank you. 

Miss Fountain. (To Mitprep) Have you fixed 
a date yet? 

Mitprep. June first. 

Miss Fountain. Ours is June fifth, isn’t it, 
dear? I’ve always told Mildred that I would go to 


79 


80 EAST IS WEST 


the post first. Can’t you make the date of our wed- 
ding May 30th, darling? 

Escort. May 30th goes. 

Miss Fountain. Oh, thank you, darling. (Ad 
lib.) Good night. (Evxit.) 

Mr. and Mrs. Benson. Good night. 

Jimmie. May the 30th, eh Well, May the 
2oth for us. (JimMIE and MILDRED exit into gar- 
den C.) 

Mr. Benson. Well, they’ve all gone at last. The 
evening has been a perfect success and all credit to 
you, dear. 

Mrs. BENson. Are you sure we have the right 
man for our darling Mildred? 

Mr. BENSON. Quite sure. 

Mrs. Benson. (Crossing zr.) Oh, Andrew, if 
you could only have arranged such a wonderful 
match for Billy. (Sits on sofa.) 

Mr. Benson. I’d give my right hand if I could 
take my boy and give him over to this sweet little 
Chinese doll. But you heard what the Davises had 
to say. “I’m sorry for the family’”—that was the 
opinion of every one here tonight. 

Mrs. BENson. I am sure they would ostracize 
us all. I am so sorry for Billy, it breaks my heart. 

Mr. Benson. Not more than mine. (Enter Jim- 
MIE from garden c.) 

Jimmie. Hello. Are you youngsters having a 
tete-a-tete ? 

Mr. Benson. Yes, a few reminiscences of a sim- 
ilar occasion, when Mrs. Benson and I were the 
cynosure of all eyes, but we are still the cynosure 
of each other’s eyes. 

Potter. Don’t leave me out. You're still the 
big gun with me, and my future mother, the sweetest 
girl here tonight. 

Mrs. Benson. You flatterer! I’d rather have 
you think that of Mildred. 





EAST IS WEST +4 


Potter. Ido. But you come first, honest you do. 

' Mrs. Benson. Ina way, I should. I have helped 
you win Mildred. 

__ Porter. Yes, but for you, that ring would still 

pe in the stable. 

Mr. BENSON. I want a little credit for that my- 
self. Haven't I assisted you? 

Potter. Indeed, you have. 

Mrs. Benson. I did most of the work. 

Mr. Benson. Not more than I. Who helped you 
most, Jim? 

Potter. Well, I can’t commit myself. 

Mr. Benson. Coward! 

Potter. (Rises to him) It wouldn’t be fair to 
either of you until I had carefully figured it out. 
But I can say (Mrs. BENSON rises.) that without 
both of you—why—there—would have been no Mil- 
dred for me. (Mrs. BENSON sits.) 

Mr. Benson. I hope you will never give us cause 
to regret, Jimmie. (Crosses t.) 

Potter. You bet not, sir. 

Mrs. Benson. I hope you will always love her as 
hard as I do. 

Potter. Surely. I'll be a mother to her. 
(Enter Mine Toy from garden c.) 

Mine Toy. Jimmie, Mildred wants to see you. 

Potter. She does? 

Minc Toy. Yes, she’s in the garden. 

Potter. Is she in the garden? That girl sure 
loves me. (Laughs and exits c.) 

Mrs. Benson. Ming Toy, you look like a little 
princess. 

Mine Toy. An American princess? 

Mrs. Benson. Unfortunately, we have no 
princesses. 

Mine Toy. Have a Revolution like in China: 
Princesses go with Revolutions. 





BA EAST IS WEST 


Mrs. Benson. .How have you enjoyed Mildred’s 
engagement evening, Ming Toy? 

Minc Toy. Oh, I had a Pie time. Had lots of 
fun with all nice American ladies and gentlemen. 
All I missed was one dance with you, Mr. Benson. | 

Mr. Benson. You don’t want to dance with an 
old man like me? 

Mince Toy. You look better than any young man 
here tonight. 

Mr. Benson. You little flatterer, thank you. But 
I don’t dance with young girls, they are too fast 
for a man like me. 

Minc Toy. I always go slow with you. 

Mr. Benson. Well, you know, Ming Toy, I 
dance only with Mrs. Benson. (Crosses R.) 

Mine Toy. Is that nice style? Is it all right to 
dance with your own wife? I see all married men 
here dancing tonight with cute little girl and their 
wives just sit around. Is that nice manners? 
(THOMAS enters U.R. with tray full of empty cock- 
tail glasses, several containing cherries. Crosses to 
L. at back.) 


Mr. Benson. To most married men, but thank — 


God, not to me. (Notices MING Toy start and 
looks toward THOMAS. ) Oh, Thomas, have all the 
guests left? 

Tuomas. All, but Mr. Potter, sir. 

Mr. Benson. Well, he is no longer a guest, you 
know, he’s a relation. 

Tuomas. Beg pardon, Miss Ming Toy, but there 
are several cherries left. (She crosses to him.) 

Minc Toy. (Pauses) No, thank you, Thomas. 
(THOMAS exits L.) Oh, it cost me so many cherries 
to be a lady. 

Mr. Benson. You may have cherries, and still 
be a lady. 

MiNG Toy. Can I eat cherries and still be a lady? 


EAST IS WEST 83 


Oh, thank you, you nice diplomat. (Crosses to 
door L. Enter BILLy v.R., comes to T. of his father. 
_ She stops near door down t.) 

Bitty. Well, dad, you made Jimmie Potter very 
happy tonight by letting him have Mildred. Now, 
dad, what are you going to do for me? 

Mr. Benson. What is it, you wish, my Ho 

Bitty. You know, dad. 

Mr. Benson. I don’t know. 

Bitty. I want the sweetest girl in the world. 

Mr. Benson. Who? 

Bitty. There is only one—Ming Toy. You 
know, dad, you promised me a decision, and I think 
this is a very opportune occasion to give it to me. 
- Mr. Benson. Ming Toy, do you still feel about 
Billy as you did? Don’t you think that a match like 
this is bound to result in a tragedy? 

Mine Toy. Before I met Mr. Billy, I always — 
feel sad, and since then I always feel happy. I can’t 
call that tragedy. 

Mr. Benson. Billy, God knows how much I 
_ would like to make you happy, but I can’t act against 
my better judgment. If you wish to proceed against 
the opinion of the whole world, you may do so, but 
_ I cannot make myself a party to what I am sure will 
prove your undoing. It is late and we are fagged 
out. Mother and I will retire. (Goes up.) Good 
night. 

Bizty. Good night, dad. 

Mrs. Benson. I’m so sorry, Billy. Good night. 

Bitty. Good night, mother. (Kisses her. Mr. 
and Mrs. BENSON exit upstairs at L., back. Enter 
MitpreD and Potter, laughing and talking ad lib 
from rR. Notice Bitty and Mine Tov.) 

Potter. What’s the matter, Billy? 

Bitty. I received my final answer from dad. 

Potter. Billy, you don’t mean (Bitty does 
not reply but nods his head.) Oh, Billy, ’m so 





84 EAST IS WEST 


sorry. (MILDRED crosses back of Bitty and puts 
her hand on lis shoulder as she passes and goes to 
Mine Toy.) 

Mivprep. I’d rather lose Jimmie than see you lose 
Ming Toy. 

Jimmie. What! 

Mitprep. Good night, Ming Toy. You’ve been 
perfectly adorable tonight. Don’t worry. (Kisses 
her.) Vm for you—strong. 

Mine Toy. Thank you. It’s so nice of you to 
say that to me tonight, and I love you. (Kisses her. 
MILDRED turns to JIMMIE and kisses him.) 

Mitprep. Good night, Jimmie. 

PoTTEeR. Good night, dear. (MILDRED exits up- 
stairs at L. back. Coming to Mine Toy.) Good 
night, little Ming Toy. (Starts up to door R., turns.) 
Oh, don’t be down, Billy. It took me three years to 
win Mildred, and I worked so hard that now I’m 
going on a vacation. (Laughs as he goes up.) Good 
night. (PoTTER exits at R., back. 

Mine Toy. You feel very bad, Billy? It’s not 
my fault God made me Chinese girl. 

Bitty. (Abruptly) Ming Toy, how would you 
like to go back to China? 

Mine Toy. You say so, all right. When we 
start?—Why you want to go away from here? 

Bitty. Because no one shall embarrass you again. 

Mince Toy. Oh, I see. That makes you feel bad. 
If we go to China, your mama lose her nice boy, 
and that would make her so unhappy. Oh, why 
didn’t God make all people white? 

Bitty. Because God is a master painter. He 
uses many colors in His creations. 

Mine Toy. Well, if He master painter, why He 
paint the pictures in yellow bad? (Sitting. Abrupt- 
ly.) Billy, could you learn to fly? 

Bitty. Why? 

Mine Toy. Because you could buy flying ma- 


EAST IS WEST Se 


chine and we could live in the air, and when people 
look up all colors look alike. (Pause.) Billy, I 
_ want to ask you something. 

Brey. Yes. 

Mince Toy. Now you don't get angry? 

Bitty. Angry with you? 

Mince Toy. Well, I think you should marry nice 
white girl. 

Bitty. Now, what put that idea into your head? 

Mince Toy. Maybe, if we marry, we have little 
baby with pigtail and that make your family very 
unhappy. 

Bitty. Don’t worry about the pigtails, we can 
always cut them off. No, Ming Toy, we'll stick it 
out together no matter what happens. 

Mince Toy. You say so, all right. (Starts up 
stage and picks book from table.) 

Bitty. Where are you going with that book? 

Mine Toy. Oh, I want to read “Sorrows of Love.” 

Bitty. No “Sorrows of Love” tonight. (Takes 
book from her and puts it on table.) 

Mine Toy. All right. I come back and get it. 

Bitty. No, you won’t. Give me a Chinese kiss 
instead. (They kiss, Chinese fashion.) No, Ill give 
you an American kiss. (They kiss.) 

Minc Toy. Oh, you got strong love. Ming Toy 
sne’s got strong love too. (Hugs him quickly, kisses 
him, laughs and runs upstairs. Bry crosses to 
switch, puts out lights. As he lights cigarette, ’phone 
rings; he takes up receiver and speaks. 

Bitty. Hello! Oh! Hello, Lo Sang Kee! Yes, 
fine. Is that so? Well, don’t you worry, she’s safe 
and well. Yes, thank you, old man. Good-bye! 
(Puts down phone, turns out lamp and exits 
down R.) 


{CHARLIE YONG appears at back with three other 
CHINESE figures. He enters, comes down and 


86 EAST IS WEST 


listens at door rR. He hears MinG Toy on stairs 
at L. and hides behind settee. Mine Toy enters, 
comes to table, turns up lamp and picks up 
00k.) 


Mine Toy. (Reading title) ‘Sorrows of Love”! 
(Sighs, smiles and turns out lamp. She starts to 
go and CHARLIE YONG seizes her. She gives a little 
scream and he claps his hand over her mouth.) 

CuHartige Yonc. Sh! You holler, I kill anybody 
who comes in. (Takes his hand from her mouth.) 

Mine Toy. What you want, Charlie Yong? 

CHARLIE YonG. Want you. You no come, I 
kill your Billy Benson. 

Mince Toy. You come to kill my Billy? 

CuHarLIE Yonc. No, my Tongman do it. See 
them? (Door down R. opens and Bitty appears.) 

Bitty. (Crossing toc.) Ming Toy! Ming Toy! 
What is it? 

Minc Toy. Billy, go back! They come to kill 
you! 

CHARLIE YONG. Come in! (To Tongmen.) 
There’s your man! Get him! (Bitty rushes at 
CHARLIE YONG; they clinch. CHARLIE throws him 
off. Bitty flashes lights on.) 

Mine Toy. Good heavens! 

Bitty. What’s the matter? 

Mine Toy. My father! 

Bitty. Hop Toy! 

CHarLiE Yonc. (To Hor Toy) Why you stand? 
Go ahead. 

Hor Toy. No, me no kill. (Hop Toy starts for 
the door c. as CHARLIE YONG grabs him. Enter 
BENSON at L. stairs, stands.) 

CuHarLiE YonG. She your daughter, that why you 
don’t kill him? 

Hop Toy. No, me no kill ’cause she not my daugh- 
ter. 


EAST IS WEST 87 


-Brtty.. What! 

Mine Toy. I’m not your daughter! 

Hop Toy. No. 

Mine Toy. WhoamI? 

Hor Toy. Me don’t know. 

Bitty. Youdo know. Tell us. 

Hor Toy. No, me no tell you. 

Mine Toy. Oh, yes you will. Hop Toy, you 
must tell us. You must tell us. You know who 
I am—who am I? 

Hop Toy. Me don’t know. 

CHARLIE YONG. Oh, yes, you know. Tell me. 

Hop Toy. You want me to tell? 

CHARLIE YoNG. Yes. 

Hop Toy. All right. You Charlie Yong, me, 
society, all good Chinese. You know Christian Mis- 
sion come to China, take Chinese children, make 
them love Christian God, got no right to do that. 

CHARLIE YoNG. Sure not. 

Hop Toy. Me good Chinese. Me take Christian 
children when small babies, make them love Chinese 
God, get even on Christian God. 

CHARLIE Yonc. You good man, Hop Toy. 

Hop Toy. You bet me good man. 

Mr. Benson. (Coming quickly down) Who are 
Ming Toy’s parents? 

Hor Toy. Me don’t know. 

Cuaritie Yonc. Who are her parents—tell. me. 

Hop Toy. He big Christian missionary, come to 
China, try to kill Chinese religion, me get even. Me 
_steal their Child Ming Toy (Turning to her.) 
You white devil! | 

Mince Toy. White! 

Cuarvie Yonc. You lie! 

Hop Toy. No—it’s true! 

‘CHartie Yonc. That why you don’t kill him? 

Hop Toy. Yes, brotherhood Society only kills 





88 EAST IS WEST. 


white man when he takes Chinese girl from Chinese 
man, you know that! Me glad he takes white girl 
from good Chinese man like you, Charlie Yong. 
Buddha bless him for it. (Lo SANG KEE heard off — 
stage, and enters c., grabbed by the two Chinese 
standing at door, and is released on CHARLIE YONG’S 
order.) 

CHARLIE YONG. One-Coo-La. 

Lo Sano Kee. Mr. Billy Benson! Mr. Billy 
Benson! (Coming down.) Everything all right? 

Bitty. Everything is all right. Thank you for 
‘phoning. (MILDRED and Mrs. BENSON enter stairs 
at L.) 

Mr. Benson. (To Hop Toy) When did you 
steal Ming Toy? 

Hop Toy. (Looks at CHARLIE YONG and receives 
nod of assent) When she old five weeks. 

Mr. BENson. What was the name of her parents? 

Hop Toy. (Same bus.) Johnstone. 

Mr. Benson. Johnstone—was it Herbert? Her- 
bert Johnstone? 

Hop Toy. Yes, Herbert Johnstone. 

Mr. Benson. Do you remember her mother? 

Hor Toy. Mother Spanish? 

Mr. Benson. That’s correct! (Hop Toy starts 
up and is stopped by Lo Sane KEE.) 

Lo Sane Kee. Hop Toy! You steal Ming Toy 
from her mother—it is not right to make mothers 
suffer. It is not good Chinese religion—you must 
give it up. | 

Hor Toy. You tell Christian mission to stop kill 
Chinese religion. Wo dun gung—quite gung—goo 
be nee how——nee she ban goody—zwhat do did a 
din. (Long Chinese speech from Hor Toy.) 

Lo Sanc Kee. (To Hop Toy) Lo-fan-we-quee- 
Lo-fan-we-quee——(Hopr Toy exits c. with the two 
Chinese.) Good-bye, Ming Toy. 











EAST IS WEST 89 


Minc Toy. You know how I feel, Lo Sang Kee. 
I never forget you. Come to see me all the time, and 
thank you so much for being a good papa to me 
when no one had much use for Ming Toy. I hope’ 
some day you turn out white too. 

Lo Sana Kee. The color of man’s face is not 
the reflection of his soul. Many white people yel- 
low, many yellow people white. 

Mine Toy. You are one of them. I bet you 
born in the West. 

Lo Sane Kee. In the infinite, Ming Toy, whence 
all things come, there is no East, there is no 
West. West is East, and East is West. Good even- 
ing, everybody. Good evening, Mr. Billy Benson. 
Good-bye, Ming Toy. (He bows ceremoniously, and 
exits at back R. Mr. BENSON comes down to R. of 
CHARLIE YONG, who passes below him c. and starts 
up, when he is stopped by Mi1NG Toy.) 

PNG Toy. Well, Charlie Yong, you still want 
me! 

CHarRLIE Yonc. No, don’t want white woman. 
I say stick to your race, and Charlie Yong say what 
he mean. Don’t want white woman. 

Mine Toy. You got good sense, just same. Ming 
Toy get away from Charlie Yong. 

CuHaruige Yonc. Ming Toy American girl. I still 
say no Chinese girl ever get away from Charlie 
Yong. Ming Toy white. Have cigarette? 

Mince Toy. Sure. (Takes one.) 

Cuarvie Yonc. All right. Now I go home, back 
to my three faded roses. 

Mr. Benson. Ming Toy, once I objected to you 
as my daughter—I hope you will not now object 
to me. 

Mine Toy. Why? | 

Mr. Benson. Because your father was one of 
the most distinguished scholars in America. 

y FORA 













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EAST IS WHST 91 
DESCRIPTION OF SETS 


PROLOGUE 


The Love-Boat on Yang-tse River, China. 
Time: 1910. 


Set in two. Blue sky cyclorama rear. The 
love boat runs L to R directly in front of the 
cyclorama. It represents a Chinese boat with 
the left end raised about three feet from the 
stage and reached by steps. There is a plat- 
form, not quite so high as this, to the R end of 
the boat. The front rail of the boat, namely 
the one that is down stage, is broken and a 
runway set so as to go on board the boat. The 
impression thus achieved is that of a boat 
anchored close to the shore. The set is masked 
in down L and R and, if desired, tee wings 
can be used just below the R and L ends of the 
boat. Dress to add Chinese effect of the 
picture. 


ACT ONE 


Lo Sang Kee’s Home in Chinese Quarters, 
San Francisco. One year later. 


An interior decorated in Chinese fashion. 
There is a set in window R about four feet 
from the ground thru which may be caught a 
suggestion of the buildings beyond. It is 
apparent that the window is at least the second 
story from the street. In front of the window 
is a seat piled with cushions. There is a door, 
backed by an interior backing, up R above the 
window. There is a second door R rear. Centre 


92 EAST IS WEST 


rear iS an idol and stairs that go down and to 
L under this idol or shrine. There is another 
door down L with interior backing. Dress the 
rest of the stage to suit except for table and 
chairs down L. 


ACT TWO 


Room in Andrew Benson’s residence, San 
Francisco. Four weeks later. 

An elaborate interior. Centre rear is a wide 
arch, with French windows. Beyond these is 
a promenade with railing and beyond this a 
skyline cyclorama. There are stairs to the 
second floor up L running up for two or three 
steps to a landing and then up and off L. Be- 
low these stairs on L is a door opening off. 
There is an entrance, from the front hall, well 
up R. There is a davenport and table about 
R. C. Dress the rest of the stage to conform. 
This set stands for the next act. 


“EAST IS WEST ” 
LIST OF PROPS: 


PROLOGUE 
5 Chinese instruments 
‘6 pipe 
Tobacco 
Matches 


Several sofa pillows 
Lot of Chinese money 
e4 6c 66 coins 

1 small tray 
5 Chinese taborets 
1 small bench 


EAST IS WEST 93 


2 ropes or hausers 

1 instrument on upper deck (Bainter) 

1 piano off stage L. (Mandolin attachment) 
1 piano stool L. 

Lot of Mandolin picks 

Strings for instruments 

1 block C of Boat 

Chinese lanterns and flowers to drape boat 


LIST OF PROPS: 


AcT ONE 


Window seat lot cushions 

1 small bench and draperies (prologue) 
1 small table up C. (dressed and draped) 
1 Joss image up C. on altar 

1 incense burner 

Incense to burn at rise 

1 counting frame (Lo) 

1 table L. of C. 

2 chairs 

Ash tray 

Cigarette holder and cigarettes 

Matches 

Marking brush and tray 

Tray of water 

2 Chinese books 

‘“ telephone book (Frisco) 
table off L. (phone book) 

i stand L. ornamented 

basket (off R. U. Bainter) 
skirt on balustrade U. R. 

1 small pad under table up C. (Bainter) 
1 kitchen chair off R. U. (Bainter) 

1 Chinese instrument on window seat D. R. 


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94 EAST IS WEST 


Cigarettes (For Charley Yang) 
(For Potter) 
case—silver (Yang) 
Small flowers (For Bainter) 

Pipe and tobacco on table L. 

Piano and stool off R. 2nd 

Mandolin 

Piano off R. U. 

2 kitchen chairs off ‘R. U. 

Cigarette holder (Long for Yang) 
Matches (For Yang) 

1 red checkbook 

RV DIBCK WO (Yang) 

1 Chinese paper (Yang) 

1 small crucifix in altar stand up C. 
Draperies on walls over altar and window 


66 


LIST OF PROPS: 
Act Two 


Carpet down 

Rugs 

Sofa down R. 

Small table L. of sofa 

Phone on table 

Cigarettes and matches on same 
4 small ash trays 

Push button switch on wall R. U. 
Table off R. U. in arch 

Oriental stand R. draped 

2 Oriental vases on same 

1 table 

2 chairs D. L. 

1 wall stand up R. C. 

2 chairs up R. C. 

Several small bound novels up R. C. Book ends 


EAST IS WEST 95 
1 deck cards (playing) 
1 fancy playing card case up R. C. 
1 small silver serving tray on kitchen chair off 
R. U. (Bainter) 
1 San Francisco daily newspaper (Mr. Benson 
off R. U.) 
1 crochet or embroidery hoop 
1 piece embroidery On PROP Table 
1 embroidery needle off L. 
1 spool embroidery silk ) For Mr. Benson 
Several cocktail glasses off 
8 cocktail glasses with Ginger Ale and Cherries 
off L. I. (Bainter) 
1 large bag of peanuts ) O re 
2 bars Packers Tar Soap f for Bill Benson 
1 small red leather bound book 
1 bar Packers Tar Soap off L. I. (for Thomas) 
1 small serving tray off L. I. 
2 Popular magazines on table down L. 
1 prop piano on stage L. U. 
Poon =, ‘gtool 
1 music rack 
1 drapery on piano 
1 practical lamp on piano 
1 small fancy stand and vase on platform L. U. 
1 flower pot U. C. 
1 diamond ring (Potter) 
1 ladies’ handkerchief (Bainter) 
1 bottle ginger ale—off 
1 bottle cherries—off 
Several Chinese business cards (Charlie Yang) 
‘6 ‘6 66 ‘6 (Thomas) 
Curtains on windows up C. To draw before 
rise 
Draperies on arches 
Carpet on platform and stairs L. U. 
(Piano and stool off L. (to play) 
3 chairs off L. 


96 HAST IS WEST 


2 sofa pillows on sofa 
1 pillow foot stool under piano L. (IMPORT- 
ANT) 


LIST OF PROPS: 


Act THREE 


Same set but furniture rearranged a little 

Lamp to light on table down R. at sofa 

Telephone bell off stage (near switchboard) 

Festoon of flowers on balustrade 

Flowers in vase on table off L. U. 

Flowers in vase on stand R. 

Red ne on table R. (IMPORTANT) (Bain- 
er 

Large Serving tray off U. U. for 6 cocktail 
glasses with cherries (Thomas) 

3 knives (for Tong Men) 

Cigarettes and matches on table R. case (for 
Charlie Yang) 


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Golden Days 


A comedy of youth, in 4 acts, by Sidney Toler and Marion 
Short. 7% males, 10 females. 3 interiors. Costumes modern. 
Plays 2% hours. 

“Golden Days” is @ play with all the charm of youth. It 
enjoyed a run of sixteen weeks in Chicago, then came to New 
moe wae Helen Hayes as “Mary Anne’’. Royaity, $25.00. Price, 

cents. 


The Intimate Strangers 


A delightful comedy in 8 acts, by Booth Tarkington. 4 
males, 4 females. 2 interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% 
hours. 

Beginning with the girl of yesterday and a lawyer of uncer- 
tain age, stranded in a railway station, half starved and uncer- 
tain of the future, because a hurricane wrecked railway 
hopes on both the main ard branch line, it carries the audi- 
ence to the home of the girl, where, with delicious comedy, 
the blase lawyer is tortured into submission, after he has dared 
doubt the age of the girl whose hand he kissed the night before. 

Having expressed a sharp opinion of “brazen young huzzies 
in breeches,” he is subjected to the siege of a young woman 
‘fin breeches’, who longs for an adventure with an elderly man. 

The lines are delicious and the situations amusing. Royalty, 


$25.00. Price, 75 cents. 
Billeied 


Comedy in 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 
males, 5 females. 1 easy interior. A charming comedy, con- 
structed with uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines. 
Margaret Anglin’s big success. Amateurs will find this comedy 
easy to produce and popular with all audiences. Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 60 cents. 


gust Suppose 


A whimsical comedy in 3 acts, by A. E. Thomas, author of 
“Come Out of the Kitchen”, etc. 6 males, 2 females. 1 interior, 
1 exterior. Costumes, modern. Plays 2%4 hours. 

; it was rumored that during his visit to this country the 
Prince of Wales got away from the pomp of his position and 
appeared for a time under an assumed name. It is on this that 
A. E. Thomas based “Just Suppose’. The action takes place 
in Fairview, Va., where Linda Lee Stafford meets George Shipley, 
(in reality the Prince). It is love at first sight, but, alas, 
princes cannot select their mates and thereby hangs a tale 
which Mr. Thomas has woven with infinite charm. The atmos- 
phere of the south dominates the story, touching in its senti- 
ment and lightened with delightful comedy. 

Scored a big hit in New York. Royalty, $25.00. Price, 35 
cents. 


TT SS AMEE POY CABLE ERR LE RE ELIE LS EE TESS IE MAD ENE TOE A ERLE SDE ETL ITE CE ELD 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


The Famous Mrs. Fair 


A play in 4 acts. By James Forbes, author of “The Com- 
muters”’, “The Traveling Salesman’, etc. 3 males, 10 females. 
2 interiors. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

Mrs. Fair was a major abroad and won a medal for bravery. 
Her husband was displeased when Mrs. Fair came home to a 
fame which lifted her out of his life. The dissatisfaction grew 
as she became absorbed in public functions. Mr. Forbes traces 
the widening of the rift between husband and wife with great 
skill in the first two acts. These are light comedy. In the third 
the mood becomes serious and we find that Mrs. Fair’s absence 
from home has set the husband to philandering and the daugh- 
ter to intimacy with a gay set. Indeed, only through the joint 
efforts of husband and wife to save the girl from danger, is 
harmony again established. 

A true comedy, written with keen insight. Royalty, $35.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 


Nothing But the Truth 


Comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 fe- 
males. Costumes, modern. 2 interiors. Plays 2%% hours. 

Is it possible to tell the absolute truth—even for twenty- 
four hours? It is—at least Bob Bennett, hero of ‘“‘Nothing But 
the Truth”, accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his 
business partners, and the trouble he got into is the subject of 
William Collier’s tremendous comedy hit. “Nothing But the 
Truth’ can be whole-heartedly recommended as one of the 
most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies. Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 60 cents. 


On the Hiring Line 


Comedy in 3 acts, by Harvey O’Higgins and Harriet Ford. 
~ males, 4 females. 1 interior. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% 

ours. 

Sherman Fessenden, unable to induce servants to remain at 
his Jersey home, hits upon the expedient of engaging detectives 
as domestics. 

His second wife, an actress, weary of the country, has suc- 
ceeded im discouraging every other cook and butler against 
remaining long, believing that she will convince her husband 
that country life is dead. So she is deeply disappointed when 
she finds she cannot discourage the new servants. 

The sleuths, believing they are called to report on those living 
with the Fessendens, warn Fessenden that his wife has been 
receiving love-notes from an actor friend, and that his daughter 
is planning to elope with a supposed thief. 

One sleuth causes an uproar making a mess of the situations 
he has witnessed. Fessenden, however, has learned a lesson 
and is willing to leave the servant problem to his wife. 

Enjoyed long runs in New York and Chicago. Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 





SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


Dulcy 


Comedy in 3 acts. By George S. Kaufman and Mare Con-: 
nelly (with a bow to Franklin P. Adams), 8 males, 3 females. 
1 interior. Costumes, modern. Plays 214 hours. 

In her determination to help her husband and friends Duley 
plans a week-end party. They are an ill-assorted group, such’ 
as only a Dulcinea could summon about her. Their brief asso- 
ciation becomes a series of hilarious tragedies. It is Dulcy’s 
final blunder which unexpectedly crowns her efforts with success. 

Meanwhile she has all but ruined her husband’s plans to 
put through a big merger with a rich capitalist. Among her 
guests is a rapturous scenario writer who conspires to elope 
with the daughter of the capitalist, who loathes motion pic-, 
tures. The rich young man from Newport, who Dulcy thinks 
may be useful in assisting the capitalist’s wife to write for the 
films, turns out to be an escaped lunatic. The ex-convict butler 
steals a necklace. Everything goes wrong. But the most ex- 
quisite torture she inflicts is when she invites the scenario 
writer to recite one of his hectic plots to music played by the 
lunatic. It is with this that the play reaches its highest level 
of satirical fun. 

“Duley” ran for a season in New York, and is now on tour 
throughout the United States and Canada, Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 


Come Out of the Kitchen 


Comedy in 3 acts, adapted by A. E. Thomas from the story 
by Alice Duer Miller. 6 males, 5 females. 3 interiors. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Plays 242 hours. 

“Come Out of the Kitchen,” with Ruth Chatterton in the 
leading role, made a notable success on its production by Henry 
Miller in New York. It was also a great success in London. A 
most ingenious and entertaining comedy. We strongly recom- 
mend i¢ for amateur production. Royalty, $25.00. Price, 75 
cents. 


Kempy 


Comedy in 3 acts, by J. C. Nugent and Elliott Nugent. 4 
males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout. Costumes, modern. 
Plays 242 hours. 

The story is about a highfalutin daughter who in a fit of 
pique marries the young plumber-architect, who comes to fix 
the water pipe, just because he “understands” her, having 
read her book and sworn to marry the authoress. But in that 
story lies all the humor that kept the audience laughing every 
second. 

The amateur acting rights are reserved for the present in 
all cities and towns where there are stock companies. Royalty 
will be quoted on application for those cities and towns where 
it may be presented by amateurs. Price, 75 cents. 


reer eemeeesntinemesieeeeneeeememteeettniaedmemeemnaaeae enemies | 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City, 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


Tweediles 


A delightful comedy in 8 acts, by Booth Tarkington and 
Harry Leon Wilson. 5 males, 4 females. 1 interier. Costumes, 
modern. Time 2% hours. 

Julian, scion of the blue-blooded Castleburys, falls in love 
with Winsora Tweedle, daughter of the oldest family in a village 
in Maine. The Tweedies name has been rooted in the community 
for 200 years, and the family look down on “summer people’’ 
with the vigor that only “summer bearder”’ communities know. 

The Castleburys are aghast at the possibility of a match, and 
eall on the Tweedles to argue against the alliance. Mr. Castle- 

. bury explains the. barrier of social caste, and the elder Tweedles 
takes it that these summer folk are terrified at the social emi- 
nence of the Tweedles. 

Tweedie generously agrees to cooperate with the Castleburys 
to prevent the match. But Winsora brings her father to realize 
that the Castleburys lecok upon THEM as inferiors. The old 
man threatens vengeance, but is checkmated when Julian un- 
earths family skeletons from the Tweedles closet. Also, Win- 
sora takes the matter into her own hands and outfaces the old 
man. So the youngsters go forth triumphant. 

The amateur acting rights are reserved for the present in all 
cities and towns where there are stock companies. Royalty 
will be quoted on application for those cities and towns where 
it may be presented by amateurs. Price, 75 cents. 


Little Women 


A eharming play in 4 acts by Marion De Forest, dramatized 
from Louisa M. Alcott’s famous story. 5 males, 7 females. 1 
easy imterior and 1 easy exterior. Costumes 1869. Plays 242 
hours. 

“Little Women” is the most human and delightful story 
of a family of girls ever written. A classic of childhood’s 
foibles and follies, it touches a responsive chord in the hearts 
of the younger generation. Yet it is a tale that moves fathers 
and mothers quite as deeply, for the story may well be char- 
acterized as the finest delineation of family leve and loyalty. 

Produced with tremendous success in the Playhouse, New 
York, where it enjoyed a long run, and was afterwards toured 
for several seasons. Royalty, $25.00. Priee, 75 cents. 


His Majesty Bunker Bean 


Farcical comedy in 4 acts. By Lee Wilson Dodd, from the 
novel by Harry Leon Wilson. 12 males, 6 females. 4 interiors. 
Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. Those who have laughed 
immoderately at the story will be amused by the play, which 
tells of a cowed and credulous youth who became kingly when 
he was tricked into believing himself a reincarnation of Napol- 
eon. Kan at Astor Theatre, New York, after 25 weeks in Chica- 
go. A delightful and wholeseme farce comedy. Royalty, $25.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 





SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


Clarence 


Comedy in 4 acts by Booth Tarkington. 5 males, 5 females. 2 
interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2142 hours. 

One of the “five million’, Clarence served where he was sent— 
though it was no further than Texas. As an entomologist he 
found—on this side of the ocean—no field for his specialty, so 
they set him to driving mules. 

Now, reduced to civil life and seeking a job, he finds a posi- 
tion in the home of one Wheeler, a wealthy man with a family, 
And because he’d “been in the army’ he becomes guide, philos- 
opher and friend to the members of that distracted family 
group. Clarence’s position is an anomolous one. He mends the 
plumbing, tunes the piano, types—off stage—and plays the saxo- 
phone. And around him revolves such a group of characters 
as only Booth Tarkington could offer. It is a real American 
comedy, at which the audience rippies with appreciative and 
delighted laughter. 

Those marvelous young people, Cora and Bobby, are portrait 
sketches warranted to appeal to everyone. 

Royalty, $25.00. Price, 75 cents. 


The Charm School 


Comedy in $ acts by Alice Duer Miller and Robert Milton. 
6 males, 10 females. (May be played by 5 males and 8 females). 
(Any number of school girls may be used in the ensembles). 
2 interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 212 hours. 

A young automobile salesman just out of his ’teens inherits a 
girl’s school and insists on running it himself, according to his 
own ideas, chief of which is that the dominant feature in the 
education of the young girl of today should be CHARM. 

In the end the young man gives up the school and promises 
to wait until the youngest of his pupils reaches a marriagable 


age. 

“The Charm School’? has the freshness of youth, the inspir- 
ation of a novel idea, the charm of originality, and wholesome, 
amusing entertainment. We strongly recommend it for high 
school production. 

First produced in New York, then toured the country. Two 
companies now playing it in England. Royalty, $25.00. Price, 


75 cents. 
A Full House 


Farcical comedy in 3 acts. By Fred Jackson. % males, % 
females. 1 interior. Modern costumes. Plays 2% hours. This 
newest and funniest farce was written by Fred Jackson, the 
well-known story writer, and is backed up by the prestige of 
an impressive New York success and the promise of unlimited 
fun presented in the most attractive form. A cleverer farce 
has not been seen for many a long day. “A Full House” is a 
house full of laughs. Royalty, $25. Price, 75 cents. 





SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 


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| Daddy Long-Legs — 

fen RS ‘eomedy in 4 aets, by Jean ‘Webster. 6 males, | 
| females, and 6 orphans, but by easy doubling of some char- . 
acters; may be played by 4 males, 4 females and 38 orphans, 
The orphans canine only in the first act and may be played | 
by ‘small wirls. 4 easy interiors. Costumes modern, acer fl 2h 





. hours. 


- The New York Times wrote the following: _ 
“tf you will take your pencil and write dawais one below 


‘the other, the words delightful, charming, sweet, beautiful and 


entertaining, and then draw a line and add them up, the answer 
will be ‘Daddy Long-Legs’. To that result you might even add 


_ brilliant, pathetic and humorous, but the answer even then 
- would be just what it was before—the play which Miss Jean 
| Webster has made from her book, ‘Daddy Long-Legs’. To at- 


a 





ie Bernity, $25.60. Price, 715 conts. 


tempt to describe the simplicity and beauty of ‘Daddy Long- 


‘Legs’ would be like attempting to describe the first breath of 


Spring after an exceedingly tiresome and hard Winter.” . <a) 
Enjoyed a two-years’ run in New York and was then toured 
_ for ever three years. Moyaity; $25.00. Price, 75 cents. : 


To the Ladies. 


A hilarious comedy in $ acts, by George S. Kaufman and 
Mare Connelly. 11 males, 8 females. 3 interiors. Costumes, 


- modern, Plays 2% hours. 
The 


authors of “Duley” have divulged a secret known to | 

every woman—and to some men, though the men don’t admit it. 
The central figures are young Leonard Beebe and his wife 

. Wisie, a little girl from Mobile. Weonard is the average young 
' Ameriean clerk, the kind whe read all the “Success” stories in 
' the magasines and believe them. Elsie has determined to make 
him something more. She has her hands full—even has to 


.. make an after dinner speech for a ee she does it and the 
piny shows how. 


Helen Hayes played Elsie and Otto Kruger impersonated 
Leonard in New York, where it ran a whole season. Here’s a 
elean and wholesome play, deliciously funny and altogether a 
‘diverting 1) ap Ma s entertainment. Hoyalty, $25.00, Price, 75 


| Cente. 
“Three Live Ghosts 


ombedy m 5 aets by Frederick Isham and Max Marcin. 64 


males, 4 females (2 policemen). - 1 interior throughout. Cos- . 


tumes, modern. Piays 242 hours. 

’ “Three Live Ghosts” is brim fall of fun and humor and is 
sure to keep audiences in gales ef laughter. The New York 
erities doscribed it as the most ingenious and amusing comedy 
ef the zeagson, genuinely funny. It played a full season in’ 
New York, then toured the big elties. A lively comedy of merit. 


~ 





SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Bireat): New York City 
Nev ew and Expleit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 








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